Imagine you go outside with your older children while the baby naps. Youve been looking forward to her long nap and opportunity to get out all afternoon. Fresh air, physical exercise, bike riding and running and swings and yelling as loud as little voices can manage. Good for the heart, body, and soul, right? Then (mostly imaginary) bugs attack. 5 minutes into our outing, which started with a driveway bike ride, Reid spots a floating plant spore which his mind immediately labels BEE! He signals the alarm, and because our bullhorn and PA system are both in the shop, does so with an ear splitting scream followed by BEE! (gasp) BEE! (gasp) BEE! (gasp) BEE! (gasp). Hes also started to tactically retreat, and CCW trainers everywhere would approve of his technique. He swivels his body to center on the bee (said fuzzy plant spore being now long gone, hes still tracking something, if only in his own mind), while shuffling his feet backward until hes secured the garage door for our retreat to safety. He then stands guard, tears streaming down his little face, shouting that we all need to go inside, there are BUGS outside. Go inside Dadda! Come ON. ETTIE, come inside! Ethan, heeding the alarm, proceeds to execute a combat roll to avoid potential incoming. He does this from atop his bike, whilst riding on asphalt, at what for him is a moderate horizontal velocity. It actually looks kinda cool, and he apparently doesnt injury himself in its execution as he pops right up. Quickly gaining his footing, he begins to spin: left/right/left/LEFT/right/180 RIGHT! and so forth, like a little human Phalanx system on crack. Once the tactical situation is in hand he echos the alarm like a soldier in an NBC environment: BUGS! BUGS! BUGS! Now, at any outside gathering IM the guy who attracts the mosquitoes and black flies. I normally bathe in 30+% DEET, though today I havent had to. And Im pretty sure Ive seen maybe one or two mosquitoes at this point. Despite this lack of apparent insectoid assault, over the next 30 seconds or so both children degrade into a state of frenzied, tearful, screaming puddles of pediatric horror. Nothing could penetrate this horror until they were safely behind the walls of Fort Garner, and even then both were hyper-vigilant for signs of enemy infiltration. WTF? Summers here! RUN FROM THE BUGS!!!!!
Posted on: Sun, 25 May 2014 22:03:06 +0000
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