In December of 2013, I was riding with Ken back from somewhere. I dont remember from where. We were making small talk. In that small talk I mentioned how, since we had purchased a new and reliable vehicle, I planned to make a trip in the summer of 2014 to go visit my dad who I had not seen for years. About one month later, while preparing for Seths 9th birthday party, I took a call that my dad was in the hospital and was not expected to live. I had a huge debate with myself. Do I leave right that second, or do I fulfill my work promises for the next evening? One of the radio programs had a live remote the next evening that if I was not present meant the show would not have broadcasted. The host of the show had spent a decent amount of money reserving the space, and having the phone line pulled in to allow the remote. I decided I had to do the work for that night, but canceled the show for the following evening. The host had spent money based upon my saying I would be available and make their remote radio broadcast happen. I did get to talk with dad on the phone on the night I was told he was in the hospital. It was the last time I would get to speak with him. He passed away at 11:30 AM the next morning. I did not find out until after my work that evening. My cousins, who had driven up from Portland, were with him when he passed away. I am thankful to them that he was not alone. Before I went home that evening, I had to go see my friend Jason to finish up some other work business before I left for Oregon. He gave me a much needed hug. I dont hug dudes... but I appreciated this hug a great deal. I flew to Oregon the next morning. Almost all of my 2014 year, was surrounded by death; the passing of my dad, three months later the passing of my mom. And from that same month, and continuing today, waiting on a longtime friend, a drug addict, to die. Im stunned he still lives. The whole of 2014, death has been a primary consideration of mine. Im nowhere near done mourning my dad or my mom. I sometimes think I am, and then, out of nowhere, I become overwhelmed. I still do that with my brother also, though not as often as once I did, and it’s been more than 20 years since he passed away. I think about my mom and dad constantly. I am burdened in thought by how I can manage to keep and maintain my dad and grandparents property in another state. And so, in that, I am constantly trying to earn more money and find time to return to Oregon and work on the house. I am burdened by how I might honor them. I was a baaaaaad kid, they may be gone, but I figure I still owe them. The last 365 days have been confusing, and complicated. I’m fixin’ to figure it all out though. I hope. At any rate, I’m issuing an order to all my family and friends… none of you all are allowed to die in 2015! Got it!?
Posted on: Fri, 16 Jan 2015 01:35:02 +0000
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