In a Dark Place I am manic as hell, and primarily angry. Probably my most identifiable trigger is domestic violence or male anger. I saw a man raise his hand to hit a woman the day before yesterday and heard him screaming, the visual I probably could’ve gotten through more readily, but the scream was an instant emotional flash back. I put my head phones in until the skirmish was handled then decompressed with supports and staff. But it “the symptoms” are consistently getting worse. I got in an argument with a “low functioning” client today. This person could make a saint pull her hair out by the roots. But normally, and after coming desensitized to this person’s very consistent hate and condemnation, I render the same grace to him that I afford anyone. So, loosing my temper spoke to my “handling things poorly”, not an indictment of his usual manner. I am angry with my Domestic Partner for not talking to me. It feels like he is an anger bubble about to burst. But he is an introvert and I rarely get angry with him for being him, unless I am manic. He does catch on, and get angry in return though. Then denies it and that does not help. I have engaged my coping skills. I am being consistent with meds and self care. But this is difficult and I won’t pretend it is not. There is a slight “knowing” that this will pass but it feels more like the end of something, which I don’t know if I dread or welcome. Usually an issue gets worked out when this comes up, but it is not fun and feels out of control. I apologize if I am not being in anyway uplifting, but I refuse to be phony. I can tell you I am committed to being safe and I fully intend to use my coping skills to manage this. And that is the best I’ve got. Be Safe (at all times, make it a priority and double down that effort when you are challenged).
Posted on: Thu, 27 Jun 2013 08:47:37 +0000
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