In a lonely seaside cafe I met her for the last time. I stared out the window at the crystal blue waves lapping on the beach; children running with sunny faces and backs holding strawberry ice cream cones. The cloudless depth of the sky above contrasting against the shiny pink of her convertible as she pulled into the parking lot. I ordered a grapefruit juice and she ordered a curaçao cocktail. We made hushed pleasantries and caught up on mutual friends, the conversation was pregnant with words unsaid. I told her I was feeling uneasy, and she said she had some Pepto Bismol or some Nyquil if I needed it, but I told her I thought I just needed to wash my face with cold water. I excused myself to the bathroom and ran the tap trying to piece together the words I wanted to say, but my thoughts were like an amorphous wad of chewed bubble gum stuck on the side of a Pepsi can. I crept back to the table where she was doing her makeup; a soft pink blush and blue eyeshadow to match the colors in her rose quartz and lapis lazuli crystal earrings. The waiter arrived to take our orders and interrupt the silence. I ordered a burger with bleu cheese, rare, so that there was some pink in the middle. She ordered a seafood plate of salmon and bluefin tuna. We mumbled about the nice weather and the traffic around town and about how stressful work can be while we waited for our entrees. After eating, we stepped out onto the patio to watch the sunset. I stared into her blue eyes behind the pink frames of her glasses. I could feel the sounds I wanted to make, the message I needed to convey bubbling up inside me, and every anxiety in my body was telling me to leave but I fought the urge to run and stood in front of her as the sun dipped behind the horizon. I leaned in close until our faces were almost touching, I could feel the heat of her breath on my cheek as I prepared to whisper in her ear. Theres something I need to say... Yes? she replied. I shifted my weight from left to right, from right to left and back again. What is it? she continued. I took a deep breath, closed my eyes, and let out the loudest, longest, wettest shart that has ever escaped from any anus in all of history and for all of the future.
Posted on: Sun, 07 Dec 2014 16:40:12 +0000
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