In a vintage world, surrounded by clothing that was made in an era when women ( and men) were much smaller than we are now, I am always excited when I find something made for a taller, or heavier person. I feel genuine excitement when I can outfit someone my size or larger with some piece of vintage fabulousness. And I feel this because I know how tremendously difficult it is to find. I myself only own about 5 or 6 vintage pieces, despite being surrounded by tons of it every day. It simply doesnt fit me due to my height. So when, today, four girls came in, two of whom were my height, and started admiring a coat that was made for a larger woman I blurted out, in my excitement, Isnt it fabulous!? And its made for a bigger girl so it might fit you! Then, after a second, I said, No, I think its too big for you. To which they became offended at my apparent insensitivity and stalked out. I truly was not sure what had happened to make them all flee like that, because, in my niavete I didnt realize what Id said. I think you here can all vouch for my being the kind of person who would never knowingly say something hurtful. But a few minutes later the other two girls came back and explained to me what had happened. I did apologize and told them that I believed it had been misinterpreted. My initial use of the word big was for their height, as I myself am big. Its not something I think much about because I hear it all the time about myself. Hopefully, the message was heard and there are no hard feelings, but of course, Ill probably never know. But what this made me think of is why we, as women, continue to judge ourselves so harshly based on our size. Im guilty of it too. I hate being so tall. I feel it makes me unfeminine and awkward. And no matter how slender I might get or be, I always feel like I am taking up too much space in this world simply because of my height. And my eight year old daughter, just yesterday, told me how much she hates being tall. So young!!! But why should she and I feel like there isnt there enough room is this world for someone to be about 4 or 5 inches taller than the average female? Isnt there enough room in this world for those human beings who are larger than average in any way? If people can be celebrated for being larger than life in artistic, creative, compassionate, business like ways, why cant we be celebrated for being larger than life in a physical sense too? And who was it in the first place who decided what average actually is? Why be so ashamed of ourselves that the use of a descriptive word that can be used to describe many, many forms of size, not just weight, can cause us to immediately find ourselves lacking and decide that someone is being mean. After all, big is just an adjective, not a judgement. When will we, as women in particular but men too, decide that big is fine, a non issue really. And so is small, petite, heavy, skinny, thin, large, soft, hard, tall, short, and any other word, because what ultimately matters is not what size you are but how big you live your life. Its been a very eye opening afternoon for me, because Ive always judged myself so lacking in my height and size. I will no longer do so. I am taller than average and heavier than average in places too. Ill never have a flat stomach again, or arms without bat wings. But you know what? Thats okay. And I wont ever look at myself again as somehow lacking if someone comments on it, or calls me Amazonian, or giraffe-like. Its just a fact of my physical shape, not a judgement call on me as a human. So for those two women who I offended today, even though neither of them will probably ever see this public apology, I honestly, genuinely apologize. Not only for my naive comments, well intentioned though they were, but for what we all as women have been subjected to for centuries, physical scrutiny. There is no reason why anyone should judge either of you as anything but lovely, special women. There is no reason why any of us should be judged as anything else for the skins we live in, but only for our actions. And I hope we, as a species, can grow over time and realize this, truly truly realize this. So that the word big will go back to being what it is, just a word, and stop carrying so much power over us all.
Posted on: Sun, 18 May 2014 00:15:47 +0000
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