In facing my man in the mirror, I have identified that in my self-growth to recognize my character flaws and accept them and improve on them, I call it peeling my onion, I came pass this article and just wanted to share it, enjoy it, something may hit home :-) How to Identify the Absorbed People Who Annoy You by: Janis Leslie Evans Who is Janis Leslie Evans? Janis is a mental health professional in private practice in Washington, DC. She holds a Masters degree in counseling psychology from Howard University. Her compassion for people is expressed through her counseling service, volunteer work, outreach ministry with the homeless, and her poetry. Writing has always been an extension of her creative and spiritual expression by which she connects to the inner-world of humanity. Janis was first published in Buffalo, New York at the age of 11 through the Buffalo Public School Systems annual Our Best with a poem entitled, The Alphabet. As a professional, she writes primarily about relationships, spirituality, trauma, and loss. She has always secretly dreamed of becoming a writer and has plans to publish a book in the future. Janis is also an avid student of tai chi and qi gong. She has been practicing for the past ten years and has received first place medals in tournaments for her tai chi fan presentations. Her primary school of study is Wundang Neijia which includes intense training and practice in the ancient traditions of Yang Style, Wu Style, Chen Style, Xingi, Bagua, and Liuhebafa Forms. In addition to her strong Christian faith, tai chi has become the stress reliever and outlet that has given Janis a confident presence and peaceful demeanor. This disposition has enhanced all areas of her personal and professional life, giving Janis a sincerity that allows her to genuinely connect with people through service and through writing. Self-centered people are easy to identify but difficult to handle. They love to talk, mainly about themselves, and can be quite dismissive about the point of view of others. Absorbed by their grandiosity, they look down on others with an air of superiority that is frequently displayed in the way they behave toward them with a holier than thou attitude. This type of person is also defined by others as being incredibly annoying. We have all dealt with them in our personal relationships, brief acquaintances, in the work place, and on the streets. Below are some of the most annoying behaviors of self-centered, absorbed people encountered everyday. Cocky Ego Cocky Ego Source: photo credit: Viewminder via photopin cc Its All About Me Its All About Me Source: Photo by Gemma Bou Annoying Behaviors of Self-Centered People Driving as if they own the road, refusing to wait, yield, slow down, merge, or use signals Recklessly driving at high rates of speed without concern for the safety of others Engaging in road rage Leaning on a car horn when traffic cannot move Loudly threatening to call for a manager when things dont go their way Making trivial complaints about everything Turning any conversation into a story about what happened to them, regardless of the topic at hand Loudly verbalizing irritation while waiting in line Throwing a physical or emotional tantrum or verbal rant Minimizing or ignoring the emotions of others Arriving late and making an entrance that says, Im here! Unapologetic about being wrong or hurtful Dominating group conversation with interruptions or interjections Argumentative and arrogant with a need to be right Overly critical of others Spoiled by Overindulgent Parent Spoiled by Overindulgent Parent Source: Photo by the wooden shoes Self-absorption in all its forms kills empathy, let alone compassion. When we focus on ourselves, our world contracts, as our problems and preoccupations loom larger. But when we focus on others, our world expands. Daniel Goleman, Source Intelligence: The New Science of Human Relationships Self-Centeredness and its Roots in Narcissism What makes self-centered behaviors so annoying to others is that they indicate a total disregard for the other persons opinion, value, or existence. It appears that its uncomfortable for self-centered people to be attentive for more than five minutes before they draw attention back to themselves to make their point which they believe to be correct. These behaviors may have their roots in certain behavioral or personality traits that influence how the self-centered person approaches his/her environment and interacts with others. These traits loosely fall under the definition for Narcissistic Personality which may involve a cluster of traits or a clinical diagnosis of a personality disorder. This can produce behaviors that affect the individuals ability to have healthy social interactions and close personal relationships. Narcissistic Personality Disorder is said to possibly be a result of overly indulgent parenting styles. They include but are not limited to the following list of traits and characteristics: Self-Absorbed in her Mirror Self-Absorbed Beauty Self-Absorbed Beauty Source: Photo from Wowozine What is Self-Centeredness? The New American Webster Dictionary (1995) defines self-centeredness as absorbed in oneself. Rogets Thesaurus (1985) lists self-centered as synonymous with the words, egotistic and selfish. The Merriam-Webster Collegiate Dictionary (1986) defines self-centered as independent of outside force or influence: self-sufficient and concerned solely with ones own desires, needs, or interests: selfish. [All definitions seem to include the common element of SELF STANDING ALONE, as if the all revolves around the individual, in his or her own world.] Self-absorption Excessive self-love Need for admiration and/or fame Lack of empathy or concern for others Unrealistic sense of entitlement Demanding Manipulative Vanity and pre-occupation with appearance Self-assured cockiness Unfortunately, it is difficult to contend with a self-centered person whose behavior is most likely related to imbedded traits of their personality that may not easily change. It is well-known in the field of psychology that most personality disorders are not easy to treat. Therefore, we are left to maneuver around or tolerate the annoying behaviors of those with whom we interact in our personal lives, work settings, or in public. But there has to be some way to successfully handle the annoying behaviors that accompany these traits. Below are some suggested approaches to handling some situations: References Narcissism - PsychWiki - A Collaborative Psychology Wiki What is Self Centered Personality Disorder? | What is Psychology? Encounters with Self-Centered People Where do you encounter the most annoying behaviors of self-centered people? Personal Relationships Work/Business Relationships Strangers in Public Settings On-line Social Communities How to Handle Those Annoying Behaviors Ignore It - Remember, self-centered people thrive on attention; so let the road rager rage on, dont make eye-contact, focus on your own safe and defensive driving techniques, and keep your eyes on the road. Deflect It - After giving the self-centered person sufficient time to go on and on, change the subject by asking a direct question that has nothing to do with them. Validate It - Stroke the self-centered persons ego by validating his/her point of view, then offer your own. Remember, they just want to be acknowledged for being right. Let It Go - Its not worth the stress to go back and forth with someone who is driven by his ego; pick your battles, state your case, stand up for yourself, and let it go. Avoid It - If possible, steer clear of annoying people and refrain from engagement; put your time and energy into more positive people where you are more likely to have a productive experience. Self-Absorbed Partners Loving the Self-Absorbed: How to Create a More Satisfying Relationship with a Narcissistic Partner Loving the Self-Absorbed: How to Create a More Satisfying Relationship with a Narcissistic Partner In Conclusion: A Message to Annoying Self-Centered People Im sure that some of you reading this are saying to yourselves, Hmmm, sounds a bit like me - whatever! Well, forgive me if Ive touched a nerve by bringing attention to certain behaviors that people encounter frequently in their daily lives. This article was not meant to insult you, label you, or imply that youre not a decent person, any more than the images of the people featured imply that they are definitively self-centered. We are all deserving of the same love and respect, regardless of our irritating behaviors. But you must admit that you can be annoying at times and not easy to deal with. Arent we all? Hopefully, this article will spark introspection that leads to conversations about how all of us can take a closer look at how our behaviors affect the people closest to us, prompting us to make decisions to change for the better.
Posted on: Mon, 22 Sep 2014 07:06:11 +0000
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