In honor of Childhood Cancer Awareness month, Im re-posting what I wrote on the 1 year anniversary of Beckhams diagnosis. It completely sums up our journey, even to this day...to God be the Glory... 6.16.2013...So, it’s been a year. Quite a year, I must say. A year since we sat in a doctor’s office, and heard that ugly word that feels like 100 grown men just hit you in the stomach at the same time. The kind of word that takes your breath away, freezes any sort of thinking you have, and changes your life. The kind of word that creates such vivid memories, that I can tell you every single moment of that day. What we were all wearing. The exact minute the doctor walked in and told us. When I broke down, and when Nick broke down. The temperature. Where every single person in our living room stood as we told them the news, listening to our boy run in and out of the house, having no idea as to what was going on inside of him. The last words we said to our other boys before we got in a car and headed to an airport, not knowing where this word would take us. That’s a lot of power for one word. Too much, if you ask me. It can dictate our lives, and will continue to until God sees fit for it not to anymore. Cancer. What an ugly word. But then there’s another word….Jesus. More than just a word. A name. A name that immediately gives hope. Gives assurance. Peace. It takes away loneliness…uncertainty. It commands my attention and focus. Only Jesus can keep a sinner, like me, close to Himself in the midst of such trial. Let’s be honest, we are very weak. We fail miserably…daily. And yet, He somehow keeps US close to HIM. I will say that is the most mind blowing thing to me in ALL of this. HE has kept us close to Him. Many times I wanted to yell at Him. Turn my back on Him. I’ve stayed quiet to Him because I have nothing to say. I don’t deserve to have strength, and yet He gives it. Every day….He gives it. He gives understanding that our children are not our own. They are His. He brought them into this world, and has determined their days. And that’s ok. I HAVE to be ok with that. But why would He give all of that? Why, when I am such a sinner? That’s the TRUE miracle. There have been many answered prayers in this last year. Hurdle after hurdle, and blessing after blessing. But the true miracle is that He never left our side. He remained. When nothing makes sense and answers are not clear….He remains. He’s the only constant. So, what do I know today….and I mean REALLY know…that I didn’t a year ago? What have I learned? That we are nothing without Jesus. And because of Him, and only Him, “we shall not be moved.” I have set the Lord always before me: because he is at my right hand, I shall not be moved.-Psalm 16:8
Posted on: Wed, 17 Sep 2014 14:12:32 +0000
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