In my post where I talked about my Mom being back in the ICU, I posted Update #5, which I think will be my last, just saying she is out of the ICU and soon to be discharged. This weekends battle, however, was being pressured by the doctors to have my Mom permanently placed on a feeding tube, which is a peg tube that is surgically inserted into the patients stomach. Long story short, my brother and I decided we will not do that. Its a quality of life issue. As much as my Mom has already been through, taking away her ability to eat is something we simply refuse to do. I also did my research and found that a feeding tube does NOT necessarily guarantee great nutrition, or prevent future bed sores or prevent anything else. In fact, there is a danger of the patient consistently touching the foreign object in their body, possibly harming themselves, as well as risk of infection. My Mom has been through enough. And all dementia patients have swallowing issues. They never suggest consistent rehabilitation for her to improve her swallowing, which is usually done via speech therapy and hand-feeding because they know they dont have the staff who will take the time to do it for any patient, not just my Mother. Its a shame. The healthcare industry is SO problematic and there is so much more to tell. So often, I have thought of Maya Angelous poem and book title, just give me a cool drink of water before I die. We want to be able to give that to our Mother, just to honor her humanity, alone. We already know she is going to die, the question is how? And in what ways can we honor her life and protect the last vestiges of her quality of life while shes still alive? That is our job. That is our duty And that is love. So, I canceled my trip to JMU for the Furious Flower Poetry Conference last week, I canceled my trip to NYC for the #Focus100 conference this past weekend and I am canceling my upcoming birthday trip to Jamaica, which would have been my first vacation in a long time and which I was using as my own Artists and Fitness Retreat to get some other writing done and a jumpstart to get my fitness level back, to increase my health after all of these challenges. It hurts a lot to let go of Jamaica because it was what I could afford and my last two birthdays were full of so much sorrow, I just wanted something different. But my brother and I know if we dont do this for our Mother, it wont get done, so I let go of all of those things, as I only have one Mother and it is my pleasure to serve her. I will just recalibrate and map out a new plan here and I know things will fall into place. Thats what Faith is all about and Im glad I have it. More importantly, I am grateful to have had such a wonderful Mother and this is a welcome sacrifice. I thank you, again, Mommy. And thank you, Kaylen, for the wonderful flowers I came home to after returning from the hospital. They are gorgeous and making me happy. Thank you for being a friend, as always... And thank you all for your well wishes, thoughts and prayers. They keep me afloat when I am on auto-pilot and generally unsure of what to do or how. But I do always know why---for love.
Posted on: Sun, 05 Oct 2014 13:22:15 +0000
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