In order to break the cycle, we need to not let history repeat itself. Why have we not learned by trial and error that the failure and pain are not healthy for us? What is it that makes us make the same mistake over and over? We need to take a look at ourselves and asked what did we learn about ourselves from our previous relationship (With the N or with just a bad relationship) were we looking for a “take charge” kind of person, and the control freak seemed to have it all together? Did you get the sense that there was stability, structure, rigid, with little to no emotional connection, and a sense of control? Or was it the opposite, overly affectionate, lacking responsibility, and let you have all the control, because all you needed was “the love” the sense of being loved, the need to be held, and all the right words to say? These are the things we look for in a relationship, but there has to be balance. Without balance there is chaos, and emotionally drained, feeling empty, and doing all the “work” whether it is the house work, taking care of the kids, taking care of the bills, or working outside the house. One person cannot do it ALL and not have resentment. If you want to do it all, or have to do it all, you might as well be alone. I called it, getting rid of one more person to clean up after, cook for, take care of, and provide for. The N did not work (for the most part) So, I worked 2 jobs, went to school, and took care of EVERYTHING. That creates a lot of resentment, and I had tons. I wanted him to leave, I prayed he would leave, I wished he would leave. So why didn’t I just leave you may be asking. Because everything was mine, everything was in my name, all the money (what little there was) was mine, and nothing was his. Yep, now you’re wondering, “Then why didn’t you just kick him out?” Well, that is the MILLION DOLLAR QUESTION……….Because of “his” kids, I was worried for them and did not want them to end up on the street (with their father)…….. If I would have known then what I know now!!! Damn isn’t that the truth. Well that’s why we cannot let history repeat itself. We need to use the “experiences” we have endured to learn what not to do the next time, or at least know when to get the HELL outta there!!! l.k.
Posted on: Mon, 09 Sep 2013 17:10:00 +0000
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