In order to grow in emotional intelligence and have strong, resilient relationships, there is one skill that we all need to learn. When people are upset or emotionally activated in anyway, to not take what they say or do personally. In those moments see what is happening as if it is a drama or role play and the upset person or people are helpless puppets of their inner conditioning. Actually they are not really reacting to you or anyone else. They are reacting to their own thoughts, which are creating an unpleasant biochemistry as they are based on faulty perceptions. The brain chemistry of a person who is upset or angry is not very different from that of a mad person. (It is interesting that in the US, being angry is also known as getting mad!) A person who is temporarily mad or insane should not be taken seriously, yet treated with wisdom and compassion. In such situations by just pausing and keeping our composure and clarity, we can access the inner resources we need to respond in a way that is appropriate to help this person return to sanity and normality. This is truly an important lesson. Not always an easy one, but one of the most rewarding that we can learn. Every time we do not get drawn into the emotional quagmire that others prepare for us and invite us into, it is a real WIN. And the more such wins we have, the more confident and strong we feel on the inside. Start by seeing yourself in your minds eyes as being calm and collected in the face of challenging people and situations. See this until you can feel it. Always describe yourself as a person who is calm under pressure, even if it feels untrue to begin with. Sometimes we need to fake it, until we become it. The good news is that whatever we visualize, vocalize and emotionalize, we actualize. So be persistent and you are bound to be successful in this most practical and beneficial life skill. Peace.
Posted on: Wed, 17 Sep 2014 15:08:09 +0000
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