In self-sabotage you act out internal conflicts by first moving toward a goal--then retreating from it. I can do it is offset by I cant do it. I want it is overridden by No, I dont want it. I deserve it countermanded by I dont deserve it. The net result of such an ambivalent--or negative--attitude toward yourself is hardly to be envied. For the outcome is either immobilization (at times, an existential paralysis so exquisitely sculpted that push is perfectly balanced with pull, and pull with push). Or youre impelled--or rather, unconsciously compelled--to do everything in your power to defeat yourself. From deep within, as a kind of hapless puppet, you may be controlled by programs so antagonistic or contradictory that its simply impossible to achieve what, otherwise, might be well within your grasp. And insufficiently aware of the adverse self-beliefs underlying such programming--beliefs most likely derived from negative messages you regularly received from your parents--you cant confront (let alone resolve) your deepest conflicts. As I like to put it, until youve assimilated your past (i.e., fully digested it), it will keep repeating on you. Needless to say, as long as you remain mostly unconscious about how self-defeatingly youve interpreted what happened to you in the past, you really cant allow yourself to straightforwardly follow your dreams. Unaware of the sabotaging aspects of your personality--those earlier self-denigrating parts afflicted with feelings of futility, incompetence, or unworthiness--youll habitually trip yourself up. Your own very worst enemy, youll castigate yourself for shortcomings, experience guilt and shame for sins never committed, and routinely snatch defeat from the jaws of victory. Moreover, you may (self-debasingly) permit others to take what, unconsciously, you feel unworthy to accept yourself--whether that be recognition for some accomplishment you were chiefly responsible for, or a promotion that by rights should have been yours. Passive aggression toward the self is fundamentally about self-punishment. After all, if youre self-disapproving, dont much like yourself, and have never been able to fully embrace yourself (flaws and all), your ultimately counterproductive behavior will reflect this negative self-regard. Its as though youve given--lets say--your overly judgmental parents permanent residency inside your head (and rent free, at that!), with the inevitable result that these perennial authority figures constantly remind you that youre not good enough, that you cant live up to their expectations. Sadly, in the recesses of your brain, their critical voice has become your own. This unfortunate importation phenomenon is what psychoanalysts commonly call introjects--wherein youve unconsciously imbibed the detrimental messages about self that your once terribly significant others (however inadvertently) imparted to you.
Posted on: Mon, 24 Nov 2014 07:27:20 +0000
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