In the last 2-3 months, half-a-dozen people have asked me what I do to cope with my depression. I do a lot. Sometimes, not enough. Heres one thing. One of the worst things you can do for depression, is to isolate yourself. The problem is that one of the most prominent signs of depression is the NEED to isolate yourself. Depression LOVES isolating you! Isolation builds your sense of loneliness & self-worthlessness. Isolation keeps you to itself, with no-one around to help you. With no-one around to help you be safe. With no-one around to remind you that much of what depression tells you is lies. Isolation serves to make & keep you weak ... without allies. Heres a scenario. My calendar says Im going to see live music with friends, tonight at 8:00. - When I get up, Im saying, Itll be good to see Ignatius & Cleopatra tonight, and I love hearing Poodle Bottom play. - Mid-morning, same thing. By noon, Im telling myself, Yeah. Ill go. Itll be good to see some people. I dont have to stay long. - By lunch, Im thinking, Okay, but theres some stuff I have to get done before I go. Dont be a dumb-ass, Dumb-Ass. Dont keep procrastinating. - By mid-afternoon, I dont feel that great. Maybe Ill go next time. Snap yourself out of it, idiot! Thats just depression trying to talk you out of going! - By supper, Im saying, Aw, shit. I told Ignatius & Cleopatra Id be there before 8:00, and I havent done laundry in a week. F***ing Idiot. They dont really want me there, anyway. They just drink, and hold hands, and Im like some kind of f***ing fifth wheel, or leach. I dont feel good, anyway, and I havent had dinner yet, so the only way I can make it on time is if I get takeout. F***ing moron. F*** it. Im not going. Heres one thing I do to beat depression. - I set my phones alarm for 9am, and it says, Poodle Bottom. This reminds me what I have planned. I say, Itll be good to see Ignatius & Cleopatra tonight, and I love hearing Poodle Bottom play. I set it to snooze for an hour. - At 10am, the Poodle Bottom alarm goes off again, again I say, Itll be good to see Ignatius & Cleopatra tonight, and I love hearing Poodle Bottom play. I set it to snooze for another hour. - Every hour, I get another reminder, and every hour, I tell it to snooze for another hour. I do this all day. The whole while, depression is working in the background, breaking me down. Insulting me. Destroying my self-esteem. Doing whatever it can to keep me to itself tonight, where it can keep me in harms way. Every hour, though, without even trying, Im reminded that I want to see Ignatius, Cleopatra & Poodle Bottom tonight. By the time its time for me to go, Im not excited, but Im not staying home. I havent completely beaten depression, but Im still good enough to go out. Once I get there, I may decide not to stay for too long, but thats okay. I still need to get some sleep, and theres no point in making myself hate being out. Usually, Im okay to hang with my friends. Usually, I have to pop out onto the sidewalk a few times, so that I don;t start feeling too overwhelmed by the talking, shouting, singing, and whatnotish attention-getting. Thats okay. Occasionally, the only way I can stay is to sit alone. Does this seem odd to my friends? Maybe. Maybe not. I sit at the bar, between people I don;t know, so that I dont have to engage in conversation. I simple pull out my notepad & pen, and pretend Im working on lyrics. My friends will invite me to sit with them, but I know the stimulus overload will be too much, so I just mention my lyric writing, and say Ill pop over in a bit. Im still having to engage, but only with one person at a time, and that person doesnt stay long, because they want to get back to the gang. I pop over once or twice, holding my notepad, and say Im making some good progress. They fall for my survivalist fib, and say they hope Ill be able to join them later. When I need to leave, I do so without approaching the table, still avoiding too much stimulus. I make it home. Depression wanted me to curl up on the couch, covered with a blanket, watching a re-run and eating chips. It says, Doesnt it feel good to just curl up and feel warm? You love chips, right? By the way, youre a lazy f***ing idiot. You didnt do laundry, and didnt clean the f***ing kitchen. F***ing moron. Its a good thing you didnt go out, because nobody there wants to hang out with you, you f***ing dip-shit. Depression didnt get to do that, this time. I went out, was as social as felt safe, hugged a friend, saw some live music, and probably even DID write a couple of lines of lyrics, just because I made myself go through the motions. All this, because I set my alarm for 9am. What do I do to cope with my depression? I do a lot. A lot of small things. One alarm at a time. One hug at a time. One night at a time. I hope this idea helps someone. It sure DOES work for me.
Posted on: Mon, 10 Nov 2014 01:00:51 +0000
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