In the name of authenticity and transparency, and as a counterpoint to all the pics of my fabulous life (which really is, much of the time, fabulous!)...I would like to announce that I completely lost it today!!!! After spending the morning taking care of Abe and doing literally FIVE hours of ant-covered dishes in the heat and humidity (courtesy of the labor-intensive and total pain-in-the-ass Paleo/Real Food style of eating that Naomis sensitive body requires), I went to pick up Naomi from her first day of first grade (which went GREAT, thankfully). Protectively, I daisy-chained with my two little ones out of the school, as we navigated the cortisol-inducing maelstrom of cars, parents and out-of-control children. When we got home, I was asked to carry in numerous sippy cups, tablets, half-eaten quesadillas, school binders and backpacks...all situation normal for a mom of small kids who runs the gauntlet of exhausting and never-ending tasks each and every day...holding various items in my mouth so Id have a free hand to unlock the door... I got in to the house and just felt so...depleted. Sweaty and stressed. I was hungry but of course I had to get the two kids each a snack before I could eat a bite myself. Finally, after getting them settled, I made the bold attempt to pee without incident. However the minute I sat down to answer natures call, I heard Naomi and Abe screaming at each other, an all-too familiar complaint: Its mine...No, its mine!!!!! It escalated...so I performed one of a thousand speed-pees, a skill for which I should now qualify for an Olympic medal, and came into the playroom to negotiate peace between them...wading through a sea of Legos, glitter glue, Angry bird guys, and unspecified crumbs in this chaotic realm I supposedly call home. I found the kids fighting over a large work table that could easily accommodate both of them, which Naomi had taken over in full. Naomi, please share the work area with Abe, I asked, my eyes half-closed with ennui. No, Im using it! Naomi yelled back. Meanwhile Abe was frustrated, crying, and starting to take swipes at his sister. I asked her twice more to share and after getting a no two more times, I picked up one of their toys and threw it as hard as I could against the wall. ARE YOU PEOPLE KIDDING ME???? I screamed at them. Their eyes turned wide as saucers and Abes lower lip started to tremble. I DONT CARE IF YOU ARE ONLY THREE...OR SIX...OR HOWEVER OLD YOU ARE! FROM NOW ON YOU ARE RESPONSIBLE FOR YOUR OWN BEHAVIOR! YOU WILL PICK UP YOUR OWN TOYS, AND YOU. WILL. SHARE! AND IF I ASK YOU TO DO SOMETHING...YOU WILL RESPOND WITH YES MOMMY! I then swept their copious toys into one giant pile and threatened to throw them away unless they were put away, NOW! I yelled a lot, and then I gave them a lecture about digging deep, rising to the occasion, and how precious life is. They looked at each other nervously...like...is Mommy finally losing it? I yelled so much I hurt my own throat. Afterward, I felt better. And dont worry...my kids are fine and watching TV...despite their mommy who they now suspect might actually be that most cryptic and bizarre of all things: human. So...growing pains? Resetting boundaries? Or just manifesting the wear and tear of a workload that far exceeds my ability to do it justice, a scenario so familiar to most of us? I dunno...six hours of dancing a day ongoing, releasing so much that Ive held...and maybe this telling will shift something. It helps to acknowledge that life aint always the pretty pictures in the Facebook feed! Im committed to letting you my good, bad and ugly...because maybe you are human too...and it really is OK. I think we might need each other...Ill come clean if you do...
Posted on: Mon, 18 Aug 2014 23:58:54 +0000
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