Information Booklet on Marriage with Overseas Indians Part 3 3. Ground realities: What to expect going to a different country Language: One of the challenges of moving to a new country is becoming familiar with the predominant language used by the people of the foreign land. Even though English is the international language, it is not the official language in many countries. Even in countries where English is the official language, the day-to-day communication requires a familiarization with the regional dialects and colloquial phrases. Learning a new language takes a significant amount of time, effort and practice, while familiarizing oneself with variant(s) of a known language (like English) does not involve as much time and effort. Food: Many people who move to a foreign land initially have difficulties adjusting to the availability of ethnic food. Most countries with large immigrant Indian population have Indian grocery stores. But the number of stores and their accessibility vary depending on the place. Similarly, while Indian restaurants exist in many foreign countries, their distribution and numbers vary from city to city. Added to the fact that Indian stores and restaurants are not equally available or accessible, they may not be easily affordable in other places. Culture: Culture shapes people’s thoughts, habits and behavior. Adjusting to a new culture takes a different amount of time for different people. Some people go through what is referred to as “culture shock” during their initial days in a new country while others adapt instantly to the new culture. Extended stay in a foreign country can affect different people differently. Some merge effortlessly into the new environment and adopt the new culture. Others grow all the more closer to their ethnic roots and faithfully follow and uphold their cultural beliefs and practices. Most people tend to adapt by retaining certain aspects of their own culture and adopting some aspects of the new culture. Venturing out into the world, to a certain extent, requires the ability to communicate and be open to new people and new ideas. This ability needs a willingness to let go of certain ideas that are irrelevant or counter-productive to one’s life in a new place. In other words, not being too conservative is helpful. All these possibilities should be borne in mind while making decisions regarding marriage to an Overseas Indian. Lifestyle: One’s attire does influence the way one is perceived, and therefore one’s interactions with other people. Today, men in most countries dress (and at times even behave) similar to western men. There is a higher probability that some women from India are uncomfortable wearing western outfits or socializing with westerners. It can be difficult for some women to adapt to different dress and behavioral requirements depending on climate, social and professional environments. The way daily chores are performed in different countries depends on local climate and resources, which may differ significantly from how people, are used to in India. For instance, in a country like the United States domestic servants are rare and extremely expensive, and therefore can be afforded by less than 1% of the population. Western cultures do not think it beneath their dignity to do their own household work including cooking, washing dishes, doing the laundry, cleaning the house etc. This necessity for self-sufficiency might pose a serious challenge to women who may have had domestic servants back in India. Social relationships develop and are maintained differently in different countries. In most places Indian families are spread out and are surrounded by large number of native families. Xenophobia may be one of the reasons for the lack of socialization between people from different cultures. In some cultures like that of the U.S., while people do recognize and acknowledge one’s presence in the neighborhood, they may not be inclined to involve in personal relationships with neighbors. People usually believe in independent living and maintain their own social circles that may not involve neighbors. Depending on the country and city of residence the number of resident Indian families varies from place to place. While Indians do form and maintain social groups such interactions are quite infrequent compared to the amount of social interaction one is used to in India. In addition, the sample size is too small to choose from. So, one might be caught between the need to socially interact with people and the unwillingness to interact with specific individuals. This perceived social isolation adds to the stress of adjusting to a new environment away from family and friends. Time zone differences: Moving to a different part of the globe means being subject to sudden change in the time zone. It is a well-established fact that our bodies are used to a certain routine of day and night. A change in this routine is a source of stress to our bodies and therefore to our minds, until we get used to the new time zone. The Indian subcontinent falls within a single time zone. A country like the U.S. has four time zones in addition to daylight saving time. These variations make it essential for us to make adjustments in our lifestyle to be able to live healthy. While this is a temporary problem, a bigger challenge is to connect with relatives and friends in different time zones on a regular basis. Women moving to a different country need to realize that they may not be able to have telephonic or online conversations with their kith and kin as and when they desire because of the time zone differences. This may result in psychological stress for some women, especially housewives/home-makers, who feel deprived of communication with their loved ones. Homesickness: Leaving one’s friends and family behind to travel to a distant place can be an adventurous and a learning experience. However, the separation can be difficult to deal with, depending on individual personalities. It is a well-documented fact that such a transition imposes a psychological stress. The novelty of being in a new place might serve as a distraction in the beginning. Women who are enterprising might find things to keep themselves occupied with and learn new things. Some women who cannot find anything that interests their minds might feel life in a different country to be very unexciting and constraining. Climate: Large parts of countries such as the U.S. and Canada have harsh/depressing winters compared with the tropical/sunny climate of India. This not only is a challenge to one’s health, but also imposes restrictions on lifestyle. During the severe cold weather, spending time outside one’s home is nearly impossible. Staying home for prolonged periods of time can result in boredom, a feeling of isolation and depression. Cultural misconceptions and pre-conceived notions: One of the misconceptions about Indians living in foreign countries is that they are able to earn enormous amounts of money, relatively easily. Those who have spent time here realize that this is not the case at all. It is worthwhile to acknowledge the universal truth that material things are never free, nor can they be acquired with ease. Such a misconception can actually become a form of social pressure to achieve/expect the improbable. Another common misconception is that men and women living in Western countries are extremely promiscuous. While men and women interact differently in Western cultures, they follow certain strict guidelines of social conduct depending on the specific culture. Women who are unfamiliar with the nature of interpersonal relations in a foreign county tend to become insecure and harbor negative feelings of jealousy and suspicion. Most of the common pre-conceived notions that people arriving here from a country like India have, involve material wealth and ease of social life. To mention just a few, owning a car is not an easy proposition; driving a car requires training and acquiring a driver’s license, which is a difficult process requiring skill and knowledge of detailed traffic rules; owning real estate is forbiddingly expensive; public transportation in most of the U.S. is virtually absent; the seemingly large salaries are subjected to a heavy income tax at source by the Internal Revenue Service; the average work-day in America is 0 hours (plus travel time), with about three weeks of annual leave. Also, in the U.S., one’s financial well-being directly influences one’s ability to obtain a loan (credit) from financial institutions. The use of credit cards is extremely common and is necessary in several situations. Financial well-being is judged based on a factor known as the credit score, which is directly proportional to the amount of available credit that a person has. For a person starting a life here, this can be a catch-22 situation, forcing him/her into acquiring large loans, which quickly become a prolonged burden. It is estimated that the average American has at least $ ,000 of debt, atan annual interest rate of > 5%. Therefore, the appearance of financial well-being is not always an indication of the presence of liquid assets, and this is one of the biggest pre-conceived notions that Indians carry about America. Employment: As a foreign citizen, the ability to earn a livelihood is limited by the immigration rules. Depending on the type of VISA, employment may or may not be permitted. For example, in the U.S., a student VISA and a tourist/visitor VISA do not provide the opportunity to take up a job. The categories of H-and J- are meant for employment. The spouses of Indians living in the U.S. often arrive here on the basis of a dependent VISA. With the exception of a J-2 VISA (J-dependent), all other dependent VISA holders are not permitted to work. Attending an academic degree program requires a transition to an F-, which takes time, money and admission to a program. These conditions obviously hinder one’s economic and educational freedom. For a young person who had the freedom to work and earn a livelihood in one’s own country, being in a restrictive situation such as the above is likely to be quite disagreeable. Medical facilities and health insurance: Most of the developed countries of the world boast the presence of excellent health-care facilities. While this may be true, access to such facilities is not easy or uniform across the population. Enrolment in an acceptable health insurance plan (most ofwhich are usually expensive) is a necessity for seeking medical consultation and treatment. Visiting a doctor requires making an appointment, and few clinics/hospitals offer walk-in consultations, as is the norm in India. Many medicines that are available over-the-counter in India, are only available by prescription in other countries, which can only be obtained from a licensed doctor (both require additional co-payment). Conclusion: The difficult experiences that are associated with all the above problems are a significant strain on any marital relationships, let alone a new one. A relatively painless transition into one’s new life is highly desirable for a marriage, while the lack thereof can cause damage that is sometimes irreparable depending on the temperaments of the spouses. A failure to adjust to a new life and to be open-minded about new ideas is a direct cause of marital strain. A person, who finds oneself in the midst of such a situation, is likely to place blame on the spouse for the problems. The reality, of course is quite different. All the factors mentioned above are natural consequences of moving to a new country. Marriage is a commitment that is based not only on mutual trust and understanding, but also on the rational ability to judge one’s own personality and make an informed decision, taking future possibilities into account. Marriage to a person living in a different country needs a consideration of all the above problems and more.
Posted on: Sun, 14 Dec 2014 13:10:13 +0000
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