Insanity. Disturbing thoughts. They scratched at the back of my head like a dog that scratchea the door when it wants back into the house. These thoughts would eat at me persistanly untill I let them take over. I often question why I fight it. Im not strong enough to ever make these thoughts go away. All I ever do is hold it off untill I give up. I would go months with fighting the insanity that wants out and no one would ever notice. I think that going mad wouldnt be that terrible if I had no clue what I was doing. I do terrible things that I cant controll. Often to people Im close to. And all I can do is watch. Its like Im watching a horror film but when it gets to bad I cant turn the television off or walk away. I just have to watch... And wait for someone to pull me away from the movie. Id prefer it if it was like I went to sleep then woke up with no memory of what I did. But if that where the case I would have to fear in wonder of what I did. Over the years I have been able to control my numbers of going insane. But I havent improved on the things I did. I only seem to do more wicked things over the years. I almosted killed someone last time. I gave a defeated sigh smoke escaping from my mouth. I guess its around the time by now that I would give up and go insane...
Posted on: Tue, 15 Oct 2013 17:47:18 +0000
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