Insert#14 When I got there she was with Zoe laughing and all cosy. Zoe was sleeping next to her, my mood rate just dropped from 1001 to 0.00percent. I was excited of telling her the good thing i did today that someone said thank you to me I stood there for sometime trying to decide whether to get or just leave those things there. I even brought the Book the psychologist gave me to show her that I was doing all that for her. When I say for her it was still dificult for me to adjust to the new word Kwanda gave me called CHANGE. At some point I thought I am delaying myself. I thought change starts and get noticed immediately. They saw me. Zoe: Liso boy ngena. Aunty was still smiling. I must ADMIT Its been a while since I saw her smiling and all happy. I actually thought I am the only one who can make her happy. I still had to know a lot about HAPPY FEELINGS. Aunty: Lholho come in I took a deep breathe trying my best to be CALM. I WAS ANGRY THAT I TOLD MYSELF I WILL SLEEP IN THE SAME PLACE ZOE SLEPT IN. I GOT IN. Aunty: No hi, no kiss? I looked at her then looked down. I didnt say a word. Aunty: Lholho?? Didnt you miss me? Zoe: she didnt clearly baby Im the only one who misses you. she from Zoe?! Where the hell does Zoe know that word? In her eyes we were all men. I called her sisi she said ndinya in her car infront of Lathie,Lwah and Emihle. I couldnt stand seeing Zoleka yhoo! She was.. I prefered to not see her at that stage of recovery. I stormed out of the ward and ran to the car, they were calling me. I was holding myself from not answering and I wanted aunty to see me that I have changed, i left everything. I got in the car and I took many breathes trying to regain Energy. I took out my phone. I was fuming. Me: please God Kwanda must be online, she has to be online I need her right now, please God!! I logged into mxit. It had a network problem. I tried about three or four times. It signed in. Kwanda was offline. I left her an offline text written as follows, I still remember it correctly because it was my first step in knowing how it feels like to be incontrol. Bra today I did something good at the shop, for the first time someone said THANK YOU to me, I felt proud and I SAID TO MYSELF I AM NOT GOING BACK TO THE OLD LISO AGAIN. I WANT TO HEAR THOSE THANK YOU COMING TO ME. PERHAPS I WILL ALSO BE ABLE TO SAY THEM TOO. WHEN I CAME TO SEE MY AUNT SHE WAS WITH THAT ZOLEKA THAT I HAte SO MUCH, THEY WERE ALL COSY IN HER BeD THE SAME PLACE I WANTED TO SLEEP IN WHEN Im TALKING TO HER SHARING TO HER WHAT I DID TODAY. She was looking all happy and didnt even notice that I have changed. I couldnt stand looking at them. Zoleka didnt even leave us to give us privacy she was all nice to me after everything she has done. She called me a She after she said NDIYANYA IN HER CAR WHEN i called her sisi. I cant stand her Kwanda, I HATE ZOLEKA AND i dont want her near my aunt. Its funny how my aunt has forgave her jeeeerrr!! Kwanda brah I wish you were here so that we can talk i then sent the text. I felt a little better after writing that to Kwanda. I started the car and drove back home. When I got home after parking I took my which was vibrating. I forgot to loggout from mxit. There was a long text from Kwanda. Written as follows I read it while I was walking home with a broken heart. Kwanda: yeeeey!! First of all I just want to say I AM PROUD OF YOU NTWANA YAM. Today you have taken a big step and ntwana your reaction was the best for me rather than causing the pain of talking something you will regret later. I dont blame you for hating Zoleka but hurting your aunt in the process isnt working. I suggest you stay away from a little until everything is settled. Sungxama ntwana Change take its time and you have to be ready to face people with different attitudes. You should be able to accept REJECTION and DISAPPOINTMENT ngoku wena wenza kakuhle, DONT LET A LOW LIFE PERSON LIKE ZOLEKA SHIFT YOUR POSITION SHE IS NOT WORTH IT NTWANA YAM. FOCUS ON GETTING BETTER THAN UKUHOYA LAMNQUNDU WOMNTU. UDE ANGANISHIYI NGOBA? VOETSEK MAARHN NAYE. NEXT TIME USIYA PHAYA UZUGQITHE NGAPHA, BUT FIRST WE HAVE TO BE PREPARED OF HER IN ANYWAY THAT SHE MAY TRY TO RUB IT IN YOUR FACE. Thank you for telling me this it really says a lot about you. Next time you feel like swearing or yelling here is my number ********* make sure you yell or swear at me so that I get annoyed, ow ntwana try to communicate with your aunt with an sms so that she also can try and meet you half way with Zoleka, kaloku this is new to you akakwazi ukungamgxothi uZoleka eyazi how you feel ngaye. Thank you, thank you thank you hungred times not hundred! The time I finished reading it I was already at home. Standing at the door, I didnt close it. I smiled to myself, I thought Kwanda was going to say I should have stayed there and endure the pain of being with Zoleka the first time without wanting to beat her up.
Posted on: Fri, 25 Jul 2014 07:12:51 +0000
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