Insert 4 I havent bathed the whole day and it was getting dark. I took out pyjamas and went to the bathroom and took a bath, lotioned then wore pyjamas and went to watch a bit of tv. My brother joined me and we watched tv together. Sabelo : Sisi? Me : Mhm Sabelo : I heard your conversation with mom and dad earlier. Me : Yeah so? Sabelo : I think you should stop acting childish and just accept this proposal. Me : Youre starting to sound exatly like dad. Sabelo : Dont you wanna start a new life? Me : I can start a new life the way I want. Dont wanna be trapped in something I didnt prepare for. Sabelo : Expect the unexpected. I slapped him. Me : (laughs) Did you expect that? Sabelo : Youre mad wena. Me : I dont think so. This topic is boring me now. Sabelo : It can bore you until you finally accept this. Please think about it. I nodded. Sabelo : Goodnight ke. He kissed my cheek and walked away. I was feeling sleepy and I thought of going to bed before I fell asleep on the couch. I fell asleep quite fast. I was woken up by my mom. She opened the curtains and sat on the bed. Mom : Asanda. Me : *yawn* Ma. Mom : The Mbatha family were waiting for you to finish matric then carry on with everything, theyre coming this saturday. Me : Intoni? Mom : Ewe, theres no need fighting this mntanam. Its gonna happen whether you like it or not. Me : I have rights. Mom : Izi rights azisebenzi apha, ask me ndiyazi. Me : (shocked) Uyazi? Mom : I was also forced to marry your dad. But look at me now, I survived and I love him. Me : You want me to experience what youve been through? Mom : I know its not gonna be easy but its worth it. Me : Its not gonna happen. Mom called my dad. Me : Like really mom? Dad got in -_-. Mom : Shes denying everything. Me : This is some of the reason why the divorces rate is high. Mom : Hay Asanda. Me : Inyani nje. Dad : Youve gone too far Asanda. Its either you take this or were disowning you. Dad went out and I was left with mom. I looked at her and she shrugged her shoulders. I couldnt believe what I just heard. They were totally being unfair. At this moment, I thought of comitting suicide because life was not meant for me. I searched around my room for expired pills and I found them. I got a class of water and sat on bed. I took a book and pen and wrote a suicidal letter. Dear Mom & Dad. You have broke my soul into pieces, I have never thought my own parents will do this to me especially you mom. I always thought you had my back on everything but this time you have failed me. I took a decision of ending my life because I couldnt bear and carry the burden you placed on my shoulders. Im not doing this for you, Im doing it for me because Im hurt. I hope Ill find a place of happiness and peace, a place I am a child enough to live. Maybe on my journey Ill find Jesus, please pray for me mom. Im sorry to disappoint you but you disappoited me more than I did. I want a new beginning, Im not afraid to die Im just afraid of tomorrow. To all my friends and loved ones, I ask you just one more favour : dont let my spirit die. Remember me for the good laughs and the good times. I have chosen to die but havent chosen to be forgotten... Im going to put myself to sleep now, a bit longer than usual. Call it eternity. I love you very much. Asanda [I may not have written the same thing but it was nearly like this] I teared the paper from the book, drank the pills, took my phone and dialled Yonelas numbers. She picked up. Yonela : Ndisese busy kodwa ndiyeza. Me : Yonela? Yonela : Ndiyeza ngok Asa. Me : Youve been a great friend to me and I love you for that, youve never judged me but you gave me the best advices. I appreciate that a lot an- Yonela : Whoa! Where is this going? Me : (sigh) And you have showed me what a real friend is, weve been having our ups and downs and Ive been a difficult person to hang out with but you stuck around. *Sniffing* Please take care of Neliswa and take care of yourself too. Enjoy university and enjoy life. I love you. I hung up and slept. ASANDA
Posted on: Sun, 19 Oct 2014 17:22:31 +0000
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