♡Insert 52♡ I woke up after what seemed like forever I opened my eyes and the lights were too bright on my eyes. I closed them for a few seconds then attempted opening them again and this time the lights were dimmed. I looked around and I spotted Papi who had his hands on my belly and on the other hand there was Lunga sitting next to me but he was in his own world and his eyes were red. I tried to think what had happened the previous night #Confused As soon as Papi saw that I was awake he stood up and hugged me liked his life depended on this hug :( You know that hug that says Everything will be okay and we will get through this together he finally let go after sometime. I looked at Lunga and he came over to me and gave me a kiss on my forehead. Papi excused himself and left me with Lunga. Loud silence filled the room and it was unbearable so I broke it after a while. Me:Lunga what happened? He stared at me for a while then tears rolled down his eyes :( :( Me:Please dont cry hle ndicela uthethe nam Lunga:Baby what Im going to tell you is not good news and please dont hate yourself for this neh :( Me:Okay :/ Lunga:You miscarried :( Me:Ntoni? Lunga:You had a miscarriage babe Im sorry I screamed :( :( :( :( how can I lose my baby :( why did God allow this to happen, he knew how much this baby meant to me :( :( Othandwayo cant be gone what am I gonna be without my child :( :( :( Lunga called the doctor and I was sedated because I was out of control :/ I woke up hours later and I was all alone in my ward with no visitors because I was in a private ward. I just sat there looked into space and thought about life would have been if I hadnt lost my angel I know that my life is full of drama kodwa hayi my baby didnt deserve to die kaloku :( I lost faith and I wanted nothing endidibanisa noThixo :/ I was angry at him and I was angry at the world. Id get visitors but I would just stare into space and wouldnt notice that there were people with me. Lunga would try to talk to me but I wouldnt respond nor pay attention to what he would say. Doctors had noticed that I was now suffering from depression and they gave me some medication and apparently I had to stay at hospital for a couple of days for observation. Lunga and I were seriously drifting apart I know at times like these we have to be there for each other but I didnt let him be there for me. Hed reach out for me but I wasnt in anyway meeting him half way. 3 days later I was discharged and I went back home, the house was kinda packed people were waiting for my arrival kodwa mna I was not up for that shiid like nigga please I needed to be fvcken alone I didnt need anyone by my side. They all hugged me when I got there and I excused myself I got into my bedroom which I share with Papi and locked the door. I took out a razor from my drawers and cut my wrists and tummy, it felt so good well the pain kinda went away but I knew it was gonna come back. I was now getting dizzy I slowly walked to my side of the bed and threw myself on top of it :/ :/ I slowly passed out The pain of losing a child is unbearable :( :( :( Mommys little angel....Momma loves you vha :(
Posted on: Sun, 21 Sep 2014 12:22:12 +0000
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