Insert 59 ...** I made supper ndingayekanga ke usela iwine ugqiba kwam upheka ndaziva ndiyozela kamnandi so I decided to lay down kancinci .. Ndiye ndalala ucum ke mna ndizovuswa ngu Kgosi xa ebuya emsebenzini I slightly opened my eyes ndamjonga. Kgosi: And this? ..*Ebebambe ibhotile ye wine le bendiyvulile* Me: And this ntoni Kgosi: Biselwa nguban lento Me: Ndim Kgosi: Ngoku ndithethe nawe kakuhle ekuseni awuva mahn yeses .. He stormed out wavula ndamva evala ifridge kakubi .. I got up ndambukela ephuma eyolahla iwine yam emgqomeni .. Me: Wenza ntoni Kgosi Kgosi: Sundbuza ikaka mahn Nada kunini ndikuxelela ngotywala ufuna ubane phuza face.. Me: Yimali yam le uylahla emgqomeni . He took his wallet wandjula nge R50 he then went to the kitchen and I followed him.. Me: Udikiwe ndim? Kgosi: Mxxm Me: Kutheni usilwa nam every chance you get Kgosi: Because you are turning to someone I dont know . Me: Please let me live my life the way I want to sukundilawula .. Kgosi: Is it you talking or butywala? andsakwazi naxa usober . Me: Mxxm . I walked away from him ndisiya ekamereni .. He grabed my arm kabuhlungu. Kgosi: Nada sukwenza lonto xa uthetha nam . Me: Or else what nah ..uzandibetha? Kgosi: Why are you doing this to yourself ..Awuzboni you destroying yourself Nhanha . Why not talk to someone if unengxaki instead of dealing with it oluhlobo .. I froze and didnt know what to say ..Bindothusa that uKgosi could see beyond what was infront of him . Yes I looked happy and was a bubbly person but deep down .. I was still that girl who had been raped twice.. I was still that girl who was mistreated by people she gave her heart to . I was still that girl who miscarried and I never dealt with those things .. Kgosi could see behind that smile I was hurting and screaming for help .. Me: * I lowered my tone* Ufuna ndithini Kgosi? Cry everyday and talk about my problems .. Kgosi: You never talk about them baby thats why am worried and you are slowly turning into someone you not.. Me: I really dont need a lecture Kgosi Kgosi: Nada endimaziyo would be devasted that she failed not celebrate everyday when theres nothing to celebrate.. Me: *Crying* .. Well I am devasted Kgosi ufuna ndithini? . Tell the whole world that am dying inside? .. Ndibe sad everyday for the whole world to see that am hurting .. Kgosi: Uyavuma that you hurting ..The reason why ndikunqanda etywaleni andfuni uxhomekeke kubo .Because it seems like bubo bodwa obukonwabisayo not even I can make you happy kwezintsuku.. I was crying ke didnt know what to say .. Everything uKgosi was saying was true the only thing I failed to admit is that I dont know how to deal with this hurt rather ndingaycingi ..I needed help it was true but it was the last thing I wanted to hear .. Kgosi held me tight and hugged me because I was crying .. Kgosi: Sulila baby ..Am sorry For a good 2minutes ndahlala esfubeni sakhe and decided to remove myself from him .. A lot was going through my mind kubuye yonke nje into I thought to myself all I ever wanted for myself was to have a normal happy life .. Me: Ndicela singathethi ngezi zinto ngoku when the time has come I will but not ngoku .. Kgosi: Just promise me uzoya kwi counselling thats all I ask for . Me: Mhhh ok .. Didnt even want to entertain le part ye counselling I really didnt want to go there.. Do you know the saying ethi Some Wounds Never Heal They Just Stop bleeding .. I relate to this statement because ukuya kwam kwakulonto ye counselling ndizobe ndisusa ikhokho lesislonda sam and it starts bleeding again .. This is what I thought ke at the time .. Weeks passed and I moved on ngobomi still partying and drinking njengesiqhelo but I would hide this from Kgosi just to avoiding fighting .. Time flies vah next thing I knew it was already January and I had to worry about school and moving in on campus .. And bekufuneka ndirhuqe the subjects that I had failed to level 2 and it was going to cost my mom a fortune .. I went to school in the last weeks of January to start iprocess ye registration and I had to pay I registration fee njengesiqhelo . So I went home with the qoute my mom blew my head off uba imali engaka uzaythatha phi .. I didnt respond to that . My mom asked me to do this NSFAS loan but I didnt qualify aloku I had failed .. Ndamxelela umama that I dont qualify .. Haike endinaye umama is very clever shes always suspicious about everything and feels the need to investigate xa engaqondi .. So she went on to my school and went straight to the SRCs office to ask a few questions .... Ok so let me not drag this Ill just make it short as possible. 1. Mom found out I failed .. 2. Mom had a fit .. Am sure she wanted to kill me . 3. Mom gave me a lecture .. 4. Mom was grumpy for a week and then 5. Mommy told me I should start preparing for school she will give me money to go back .. Am sure she wasnt angry because I failed . She was just angry that I lied about it... And what made her furious is that my lies were pilling up kanti I thought by lying I was just protecting the people I love from getting hurt by the truth .. Heres a thing about lies .. They cause a lot of heartache and they break the trust built .. People will resent you for lying but what hurts the most is no one will believe when you actually tell the truth. So Nadia went back to school more determined than ever I was going to get that LLB noba kanjani and I told myself I will get it even if it takes 10 years for me to get it aynamsebenzi ... That determined spirit only lasted for a month . The following month I wanted to change degrees ndiye kwenye ifaculty... Akudlalwa ninani eVarsity people lose weight kufunda mna I was unfortunate ke because I just gained more weight .. Eventually you find your feet and see what works for you ubone upasa xa uyeke ntoni nantoni .. I decided not to have friends ke eskolweni because I have enough friends elokshini zixakile so bendili lolo the only friend I had was Jackie who was more like a mentor kum.. She motivated me not to change my degree ndihlala kwa Law and for once in my life I listened to her ..
Posted on: Wed, 15 Oct 2014 12:26:43 +0000
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