Insert ...[66] Yoh ! Ndaginya ingwiqi kabini kathathu. :o Me: O-Okay. Senzo: So what did you want to tell me ? Me: It doesnt matter. Senzo: Heres your phone, Bendizakunika ekuseni but I forgot. Me: Thanks hey. It was obvious that Senzo had made up his mind and yes its my fault but I just couldnt help feeling scared at the end of the day, I was gonna hurt him because I really am not ready. I kept quiet, letting it sink in, trying my utmost best not to cry, holding back tears of regret but hey, he could have waited, what is the rush ? really ? We drove to the hospital and Senzo parked his car saphuma. Senzo: You want me to come inside with you or should I wait for you here ? Me: I know my way around here so, you can wait. Senzo: Okay, Ill be right here. Me: K. I went out of the car and made my way to Dr Keeraths office. She stood up and hugged me. Dr Keerath: Hey, Amber good to see you. Me: Good to see you too. I sat down. Dr keerath: So how are you ? Me: Uhm, I dont know anymore. Dr Keerath: Hmm..What happened ? Me: I just found out that Daniel is my brother. Dr Keerath: Daniel Coltman who does some work for us ? Me: Yep. Him. DR Keerath: You know, Ive known Daniel for quite some time and we actually talk alot, when I noticed that you shared a surname I figured you guys would find out since Im also aware youre good friends so it wasnt my place however to intervene. Me: Yeah well I found out about it and thought it was some huge coincidence but his dad is Justin Coltman. Dr Keerath: And your dad is too, right ? Me: Yep. But it could be a coincidence. Dr Keerath: Or, it could be reality. Me: But Im not ready to face reality I just wanna live my life the best way I know how. Dr Keerath: Part of living your life is accepting and dealing with reality. you know, Daniel talks about you alot, especially when we meet up. He said that in some mysterious way you changed his life. Me: But now I screwed everything up. Dr Keerath: You didnt plan for this to happen, how can it possibly be your fault ? Me: I kept it from him when I found out about it. Dr Keerath: Hm-hum ? Me: And so he found out by accident. Dr Keerath: So you kept it from him because you were hoping that he wouldnt be your brother because you didnt want anything that would have to do with your dad ? Me: Exactly. So I kinda thought if he didnt know then wed remain friends and not siblings, its stupid I know. Dr Keerath: So have you talked to him since ? Me: No. You know, I never thought that normal life could be this hard too. Dr Keerath: It isnt easy but it can be even worse if you choose to live it the hard way. Me: How ? Dr Keerath: By complicating the most simple things like telling Daniel the truth. Me: Oh ya, Im so good at screwing my relationships with people who care alot about me. Dr Keerath: Relationships ? Me: uh-huh. Senzo. Dr Keerath: The guy who helped you out ? Me: Yes. Dr Keerath: What happened ? Me: He uhm, he loves me. Dr Keerath: In what way ? Me: In uhm, in a romantic way. Dr Keerath: And he told you that ? Me: Yes. DR Keerath: so how do you feel about that ? Me: I didnt know, thats the thing. Dr Keerath: And you know now ? Me: Yes. I love him. Dr Keerath: Do you love him because you feel that he deserves your love or because its what you feel inside ? Me: I dont know. But Im sure that either way I love him. Dr Keerath: So you screwed it up, how ? Me: By the time I realised I love him I was exactly 2minutes too late. Dr Keerath: You are not wrong for wanting to wait, you owe it to yourself to. Me: But why do I feel like Im being selfish ? Dr Keerath: You feel that way because you want to please everyone, but the reality is, you cant. No one can ever understand the heaviness of the pain that you carry unless theyve been there themselves so you cant expect them to understand because at this point and time youve got to find yourself, embrace the second chance youve been given, mend your heart and love yourself. You cant be in a relationship when youve got so much anger bottled up inside you, chances are youd take it out on Senzo and he doesnt deserve that, you need to heal first, you need to be sure because you cant jump from one fire to another hoping that you wont burn because honey you will. Me: So its okay to wait ? Dr Keerath: If Senzo loves you hell wait, waiting doesnt mean 2 or 3weeks but it means waiting untill youre ready. So if he cant wait then probably it was never meant to be but youll figure that one out by yourself. Me: So what now ? Dr Keerath: Now, you can be his best friend, dont push him away because youre not ready and dont lure him because it suits you, just be there for him and show him that you care, the rest will fall into place on its own, when the time is right. Me: How will I know when the right time is ? Dr Keerath: The right time is when you are both ready to commit with no doubt because there is one thing love isnt, it is never unsure. Me: Do you think Ill ever be okay ? DR Keerath: If you want to, you will be. Healing comes from within. Me: I just, dont want to lose him. Dr Keerath: Youre 14, oh wait, youre actually turning 14 sometime in November. Me: On the 17th of November. Dr Keerath: Right, youve got your whole life ahead of you, you are still embracing the fact that youre free, youre still being exposed to the world, youre still stumbling and falling, trying to find your feet abd your place in the world after all that youve been through, so whats the rush ? dont live for anybody else but yourself, never compromise your happiness sweety okay ? I nodded. Me: What do I do with Daniel ? DR Keerath: You could start by embracing the fact that you have a brother who is your friend, dont blame him for his fathers wrongs, dont judge him for something he knew not of, talk to him, give him a chance, you owe it to yourself. Me: Okay, Ill talk with him . Dr Keerath: And I see youre wearing a school uniform. Me: oh yes, Im back at school. Dr Keerath: Wow thats amazing, what grade are you doing again ? Me: Im doing grade 10. Dr Keerath: And youre only 14 ? youre clever huh ? Me: Well, Im a hard worker. Dr Keerath: Keep that up. Education is the key to success. Me: Ill keep that in mind. Dr Keerath: well then you can come see me once a week since Im sure youll have to catch up on school work. Me: Yes, I sure do. Dr keeratj: Ill see you every week on wednesday then. Me: Thank you. Dr Keerath: Take care of yourself, were done for now. Me: Thank you, I will. She stood up and we shared a hug again then I walked out. On my way down I bumped into Daniel .. Daniel: Uhm, Hi. Me: Hi. Daniel: How are you ? Me: I-Im okay, you ? Daniel: Im alive. Me: I see. Daniel: Can I talk with you for a second ? Me: Im in a hurry, Senzo is waiting for me. Daniel: Please Amber, it wont take long. Me: Okay fine, 5minutes. Daniel: thats all Im asking for. Me: Come, follow me. I led him to the spot where we used to chill at with Busie and Thabile. It was empty as usual, we sat on the couch. Daniel: Ive been trying to call you since yesterday. Me: I havent touched my phone since yesterday. Daniel: Uhm, I, Im sorry for all the hell my dad put you through, I had no idea. Me: Its not your fault, Daniel. Daniel: But Why didnt you tell me ? Me: I only found out that day you showed me your I.D and I wasnt ready to face your dad. Daniel: Our dad. Me: Justin. Daniel: But you dont have to face him if youre not ready. I wont push it. Me: You promise ? Daniel: Ofcourse, he put you through alot. Me: You wont tell him ? Daniel: If you dont want me to, sure. Me: Then what do you want ? Daniel: I just want to be part of your life. Me: But you are part of my life, youre my friend. Daniel: I want to be part of your life not only as your friend but as your brother. Me: I dont know if Im ready to play all sister sister with Justins son. Daniel: Im your brother Amber and luckily for me you cant change that, all Im asking for is a chance to contribute in your life, to be there, to help where I can. Me: Daniel- Daniel: Please Amber ...Please ... Humph .... :/
Posted on: Fri, 01 Aug 2014 15:49:09 +0000
Trending Topics
Recently Viewed Topics
© 2015