Irony of A Proud Modern Ahaba Man and Marriage! At the slight mention of marriage, starting a family, rising kids and building a new home with a prospective wife, every Asaba and Igbo man beams with a big smile on his face, more than you would have noticed previously. Next came the gentle disappearance of such sweet smile, happiness, profound joy at the initial thought and expression, that other people wonders now, why the sudden change in body language and expression? Is it a cultural mental block or what we in diasporas constitute as a cultural perception, undue expectations or responsibility from an Igbo man? When probe further; ........... I dont have enough money, as I am still supporting my immediate family; parents, brother and sister and I have to build my own house so that my future wife and I can live in? An African-Caribbeans, Yoruba and Hausa guys around the table then chip-in simultaneously, as if in unison ....... excuses, excuses excuses....Ooh boy, I beg go look for wife and marry, why una people no dey always like to marry early but if na to take a title now, you will be the first to win the race! A beg, go jor!........ quip both our Hausa and Yoruba friends. Meanwhile, the Caribbean young man, 35years of age, has three kids already and preparing for his fourth child! You look around within the diasporas nowadays and even in Asaba, a lot of healthy young men in their 40s with so much aspirations, dynamic, employed or unemployed, but not married yet! What seems to be the issues holding our young men from marrying while in their late 20s to mid 30s these days? Why is majority of our young men, leaving this so late to get married? What about the overall impacts on our young beautiful women, as a result of this? Are parents and the society playing enough role in creating better awareness and encouraging our brothers against leaving this so late in life? Our parents generation: Most of our parents generations married slightly early in life, during the course of the marriage, our mums supported them to build a strong foundation of the home and financially towards a family house in the village for the family to move into. Our parents didnt fall in love straight away, but identified a good man, resourceful, committed, royalty, mutual respects, potentials within a man in spite of current position. Back then the ladies focused more on respect, strength and the potentials in a man and went for him. A couples good family name also played a strong part in determining the womans decision to marry the man, too; (Ezigbu Afa Amaka)! And the relationship grew stronger with love later. Hence the unity, undying love, commitment, occasional screaming and fights but no broken bones, the following day, kiss and make-up. A typical comment from our mothers then was: Ooh, you want me to leave my husband so that another woman will come and take my place, all my hard-work over the years and the closeness between me and my husband will go to waste? Aaaaaaah so you want me to become a single parent and a laughing stock amongst my friends now? Another lady chipped in..........Who will look after my children and acts as a role model to my children I have with him? Etc etc Parents and elders within the extended family has a duty of care to provide moral supports as respected individuals within the family, shouldnt lose patient in continuing to advise and encourage our brothers in addressing this issue urgently and the need to work very hard in a marriage for the sake of the children. However stubborn some might appear. Foundation of marriage: A good heart, humility, mutual respect, good communication and a prospect go team up together to build a family, supporting and encouraging each other. Should be foremost but above all, both parties have to contribute to the success of the marriage. Concern: Its still confusing to understand why does a typical Asaba man, Ibusa, Okwashi or Igbo man, feels that he must acquire unmeasurable wealth before he would marry, compared to other societies? Why do we marry so late in life, why is it that this issue is constantly been swept under the carpet without a bold attempts to address it? Every Christmas and prospect of the New Year celebrations offers our beautiful women, the opportunity to make wishes, for a good man to come along and get married. Sometimes, it gets very tense to some that in November month, if the prospect of ending the year, without firm offer in this respect, anxiety starts crippling in. It shouldnt be like this, if we can collectively address this issue why our men or what pushes our men in marrying very late in life, compared to others. My dear brother, yes, you..........why are you laughing, you think its not serious issue? Dont bin this, reflect over it and take action. I just hope that our brothers are not waiting for the sisters to come and proposition to them for marriage from now? Ladies, you know the power you have within you, dont let the year end just like that. Maybe he need help in that department?
Posted on: Thu, 13 Nov 2014 19:23:56 +0000
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