Is Ted* going to be ok for a 2pm drug test? asked Emily*, my dance captain at the time. Ummmm. No. It was 2007 and I was a professional dancer onboard the Carnival Holiday. We were based in U.S and were touring Mexico and The Caribbean. It was pretty safe to say we were all sampling Mexicos finest. Luckily, in those days we received warnings of our upcoming drug tests. That, and we had the best dance captain on the 7 seas. Emily called a meeting. We needed to find Ted some clean urine and we needed to find it now. Luckily our production singer, Cookie, (he had exceptionally large nipples, not unlike freshly baked cookies), was clean, and with a bit of coaxing from the rest of the cast was willing to offer up the goods, the Cookie juice. He urinated into a condom and tied it in a knot. Good luck buddy he said as he sheepishly handed it over. Ted awkwardly tucked the steaming condom up under his balls, you know, to keep it steaming. I can only imagine what was going through Teds mind as he wandered into the testing room. It must have been one of the single most stressful moments of his life but he somehow managed to keep his cool as he walked over to the toilet. With shaking hands he removed his name badge and managed to pierce the condom that was tucked safely under his balls. He let Cookies urine flow into the testing cup. Ted passed the test that day. We celebrated in the change rooms with Mexicos finest. *not Ted *not Emily
Posted on: Tue, 12 Aug 2014 07:26:50 +0000