Is Tuk Tuk the new Boom Boom? This was written after #PAKvAUS series! Its Tuesday morning in downtown Lahore. Having stopped off at his favourite shop to pick up a specially ordered item, Detective Afridi of Lahore PD is reporting for duty. On his way to the restroom mirror, he pops into the staff canteen for a quick snack. Afridi: Chicken biryani, please, and three kebabs. Irfan: Hey, man, what you got there? ...Detective Afridi holds up a swanky-looking carrier bag for Irfan to read. Irfan: Imrans - For The Discerning Sporting Gentleman. Ive never heard of it. Afridi: Youre not famous enough, bro. Theyd never let you in. Check this out. ...Detective Afridi opens the bag to unveil his latest purchase Irfan: Man, that is a serious bit of kit Afridi: Its the Imran 5000. Irfan: How much did that set you back? Afridi: I cant tell you, its a state secret. Look at this: ivory inlaid handle, extra-reinforced sweat-resistant grip, platinum-coated prongs. Irfan: Nice. What is it? Afridi: What do you mean what is it? Its a hair brush! Irfan: (puzzled) Oh. Right. A hairbrush. You mean like girls have? Afridi: No, not like girls have! This is a mans hairbrush Irfan: My niece has one of those Afridi: Listen, this is a limited edition, top of the range, fully macho mens hairbrush. There are only ten of these in the whole world. Your niece does not have one. Irfan: Yeah, she does. Its pink, with a pony on the handle. Let me look at it. Yep, told you. Theres the little pony. Afridi: Thats not a pony. Its a stallion Irfan: Its a pony. Look theres a little ribbon in its hair ...There is a commotion outside the canteen. Suddenly the door bursts open. Detective Misbah enters, wearing two plate-sized gold medals on his spotless Lahore PD uniform and surrounded by a crowd of adoring supporters. Kamran: Tell us how you cracked the case of the Surprisingly Effective Australians. Rehman: I want to hear the bit when you beat up Mitchell The Mouth Starc. Misbah: Guys, guys, Ive already told the story like a thousand times. Even heroes get sore throats sometimes. ...Misbahs crowd of adoring fans wail tearfully. Misbah: Oh well, just one more time. ...It all started about a week ago. I was assigned to lead a team to investigate the mystery of how a bunch of Australians kept winning Test matches despite having only two decent batsmen, when… Wahab: Tell us about your medals as well! Misbah: What these little things? Well, this gold commendation is for being unexpectedly victorious in the line of duty. And this other gold commendation is for wrapping up the case in the joint-fastest time ever, which is a record, by the way - Afridi: Hello, Detective Misbah. Misbah: Oh, hello Detective Afridi. Afridi: Nice medals. Misbah: Nice hairbrush. Afridi: I hear youve solved some case or other. Kamran: Bro, he cracked the case of the Surprisingly Effective Australians. Rehman: That case was unsolvable. It baffled everyone for nearly a year. Detective Misbahs a hero. Kamran: Tell us again how you smashed Starc. Misbah: Well it was very simple really, just the application of the laws of physics. I merely calculated the trajectory and - Rehman: Yeah, he was like boom! Boom again! Boom! Take that, Mitchell! Irfan: Maybe we should call him Boom Boom instead of you! Afridi: What? You cant be serious. Im Boom Boom. Rehman: And when was your last boom, exactly? Afridi: Ill always be Boom Boom! Hey, guys, shall I tell you about how I solved my first case? I was just a teenager, but I didnt care, I got right in there, boom! Boom! Do you remember that? There is silence in the canteen. Kamran: Nah, not really. Rehman: When was that again? Misbah: Well, its been lovely to chat with you Detective Afridi, but Im afraid Ill have to leave now. Ive got an audience with the president. Oh, and did I tell you, Imran Khan has invited me for tea and cakes. Afridi: Tea and cakes! Misbah: Yes, and after that, Im collecting another medal, and then there are my three television interviews. Which reminds me, I need a new hairbrush. Afridi: (glumly) Here. Take mine. Misbah: Thank you, Detective Afridi. Nice handle. Is that a pony? Afridi: Probably. Misbah leaves the canteen, followed by his adoring fans. Kamran: How did you feel when you cracked the case? Rehman: What is your favourite colour? Asad: What was it like to be interviewed by Ramiz Raja? Misbah: Please, please, I cant answer all those questions, youll have to wait for my autobiography. Although I can say that Ramiz has an immaculate head of hair Wahab: I always thought it was a wig Misbah: Oh no, its genuine. I touched it when he wasnt looking. Do you know he combs every individual hair. Not a single one out of place. He promised to give me some tips. Kamran: Amazing! Rehman: Youre our hero Detective Misbah! via Andrew Hughes, #BigU
Posted on: Fri, 16 Jan 2015 19:05:36 +0000
Trending Topics
Recently Viewed Topics
© 2015