It feels like I just lost him. I feel like I just pulled up to our house only to see his best friend, instead of him, walking up to me with this horrible look on his face. How did I make it through this pain? Why does it feel exactly the same right NOW as it did then? I feel like I am going through it all over again and I cant make it stop! It wont stop! My daughter saw the ambulance, all the police, she KNEW and I lied to her. I said it was okay and sent her away with my mom 15 minutes later. My baby needed me and I couldnt be there for her. I had to lie so I could deal with everything that was being demanded of me. Then I had to tell her a few days later that daddy went to Heaven. I held her in my arms when she saw him for the last time asleep. We picked out presents to put in his casket. We rode in a limo together to lay him to rest. How in the world did we survive all the pain? Its a miracle. It is a freaking miracle. This just isnt real. He is gone. He is gone?? Oh my God, hes really gone. I dont want to relive it. Its haunting me and I dont know how to make it anymore. I dont know who I am right now. I just need this to hurry up and be over. Please tell me Ill get some rest from this soon. People love me and need me and deserve better from me. I cant keep feeling like this.
Posted on: Thu, 03 Jul 2014 06:59:54 +0000
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