It is for sure Tuesday. I silently broke down today in the car while on the way to meet some friends for the letting the kids run afternoon (which was a nice place and a nice visit). Driving the car never fails me for tears. Every time I get in the car, in my mind I hear the pop, see his head tilt back, and him fall to the ground. The horror of what was really happening seemed so unreal. Did he deserve to die out in the middle of the street like some animal? Did I deserve to see him die like that? Did I do something wrong in my life to endure this? And our kids; what did they do in their short years to have to have this happen to their father? I will never understand it. Maybe when I join Derek I will understand, but that really seems like its a little too late by then. Eventually I will accept it; I have no other choice but to accept it. And for right now, there is a lot that I am just not accepting, putting it out of my mind. Im not thinking about it too much. I cant. My heart and mind seem to be working together to help me so I cant feel it all at once. I think I would die of a broken heart if I did feel it all at once. Thank you to my family, friends, and strangers who have supported us. You have no idea how much you help me every day.
Posted on: Wed, 31 Dec 2014 01:20:27 +0000
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