It is one of those mornings i have every 1st of the month. I tell myself this month youre going to do good and make a lot of videos. People will be into your videos and such. I sit here hungery frustrated and upset and it is only 7 am. I feel that after 6 years i should be good at youtube but im not I feel like a blow every chance or friendship im ever apart of and if there is a shit end of a stick to get I get it. A lot of these shit end of the sticks are because of me and my inability to want to sit in a comfort zone. I cannot count the number of hours ive sat reading news paper clippings or watching documentaries in the name of youtube when really I have no clue what im doing. I have no direction in life and it stinks I envy people right now who go to work to mop floors because atleast mopping the floors doesnt have feed back and there is only a couple of ways of doing it. I dont know why I just want to shut my brain off so often. I am hit with this problem Im on track to make around 20,000 dollars this year which is my worst fiscal year in my life. I want to change and be proactive because I always tell myself something will pick up but I feel youtube is like fighting. You never know how many fights is one fight too many. I stare at sony vegas like it is the devil and im a good christian girl. It seems like the program itself taunts me. I know a lot of you out there want me to do well and succeed I just dont see how it is going to happen. I attempted to live com ghosts this morning solo and realized I wasnt having even an ounce of fun. I been playing a lot of dark souls lately and it is to the point im addicted to it ( which is a bad thing ) because when i become addicted i neglect a lot of other things in my life. I think to sum it all up... i hate my directional-less? life right now. I feel like im not very important to anybody around me anymore and not apart of anyones life.
Posted on: Fri, 01 Aug 2014 11:16:35 +0000