It looked like it was about to really happen. That rare and unnatural act that violates the most deeply entrenched parts of our genetic code: A wife apologizing to her husband. But there we were. Standing in my home office. Rebecca had initiated the conversation to bring resolution to the issue of who was most to blame for us going to bed sulking last night that led to 5 consecutive hours this morning of short matter-of-fact sentences, no love or even L at the end of text messages, pained pouting on both our parts as well as the inability to smile at one another --although admittedly Rebecca had tried around 10am but I stopped her cmon, lets get over this silly thing smile with a stern look that said,Not this time. An example needs to be made. That was my favorite show last night you kept me from watching. And this, I cannot abide. Rebecca read me loudly and clearly and dropped all pretense of believing a casual reconciliation for last nights transgressions were within her reach. There we stood. At that quiet and serious marital face-off. Who would blink first? More often than not, it is me (that is to say about 99.7% of the time). But not today. And Rebecca knew it. She could tell we were standing in the middle of one of those queer historic moments like when Cicadas return or Haleys Comet passes. There was a cosmic tinge in the air that made one feel like the universe was about to crack. Rebecca slowly opened her mouth and sighed, I... She faltered momentarily as she struggled to form the sound of a soft a that begins the word apoligize. But she got it out. Then seemed to recover as she finished the entire sentence, I....apologize....that you got angry with me last night. Rebecca exhaled. Relieved it was finally over. Or so she thought. What? I blurted. You...you are sorry for my bad reaction? Thats not an apology. That doesnt count, I reasoned. You cant, technically, apologize for soneone else who reacts badly to something you do. I mean...You can only apologize for your part. I paused for effect. You see what I am sayin? Rebecca tried again. Digging deeper into her guilty conscience than maybe ever before from an argument involving watching television together. I apologize...for making you angry I vigorously started shaking my head no but Rebecca rebounded with and my part in causing that. Oh my Gosh. O!M!G! I ....I was overwhelmed! And touched! Touched deeply enough that at that exact moment everything seemed right in the world again. And it seemed crystal clear to me that God not only was real...but was standing somewhere, at that very moment, in my home office --where he was mouthing the words for Rebecca to repeat so that my over-sized hurt from my super-sized over-sensitive feelings could be suaved over --finally. Like a mommy whose 5 year old son just skinned his knee and almost broke the skin but she has to pretend like this might require a trip to the emergency room to pacify the son and make him feel loved. Except instead of the son being 5 he is 51. And God worked His magic. His grace. All was right again. I was able to forgive Rebecca even though she feel asleep during my favorite show last night and was snippy when I kept asking her if she was still awake (even though I already knew she wasnt). She doesnt know it yet. But at the end of my next text message to Rebecca, I plan on ending it with a capital L. For love. Hell, I may just spell out the entire whole word Love. I feel like after Rebeccas soul-searching apology for last nights TV debacle, it is the least I can do. And that, all things considered, I am a pretty darned lucky guy. Rebecca Jackson Brown
Posted on: Fri, 14 Nov 2014 17:31:53 +0000
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