It must run in the family telling me tales, I must just look/be totally gullible. My Grandad told me this tale when I was about, I guess about 11.. Its starts off with him in a pub called the Sundial on Walmersley Road In Bury. Now Hes been in there all afternoon and enjoyed a large amount of ale. He left the pub very much the worse for ware and fell flat on his face on the tram line, were going back to when he was a young man and trams provided public transport. So hes fell face first on the tram line, he then said due to a complicated break to his nose and massive swelling of said nose they couldnt get his face out the tram line. The only thing they could do he said, was grease the line in front of him pick him up by his ankles and with his nose still fast in the line push him the mile and a half to the terminus were they could hopefully free his head! Thank the good lord I was pointing in the right direction or Id have ended up in Limefield... What difference that could have possibly made Ive no idea and I was too stupid to ask plus I was so enthralled in his story. what happened then Grandad? I asked. Well he said quite a crowd had gathered and had started to walk behind me. People thought it was some kind of Whitsun walk; by the time they got me to the terminus there was aleast 300 hundred people in this procession , a brass band and two jugglers from a nearby traveling circus! Of course I believed every word, and when I repeated the story to some older boys at school I got a slap for being a knob, but not before they had given it some thought, my school was no great seat of learning.. SO YOU WOULD THINK I HAD LEARNED MY LESSON No not a bit off it... I find myself; just today, listening to Great Aunt Lizzie (yes shes still alive) tell me about the time her dear departed husband Leonard took himself off to the doctors because of a lump hed found in his gentleman vegetables. Oh hed drove me mad for days going on about this lump Said Great Aunt Lizzie In the end it was me that made him go to see the doctor. It was two shillings then to see the doctor which was a lot of money so you had to be sure there was something wrong with you. Id had a feel and said that doesnt feel like any Ive felt before our Leonard you best get yourself off to the quack! ... Doesnt feel like any Ive felt before!.. Thats just too much information isnt it!? Great Aunt Lizzie continues well it turns out our Leonard is a freak of nature seems hes got three balls! Three balls? I asked quizzically Yes you bloody idiot he had a third testicle! Thats why I always laugh when that film comes on The EXTRA TESTICLE! Great Aunt Lizzie that film is E.T. the Extra-Terrestrial ... Oh never mind, then what happened Well Great Uncle Leonard was very shocked and upset felt like a freak he did, but the doctor said not to worry and be proud that he was so unique! Oh and he was proud, so much so coming home on the bus he said to the chap sat next to him, do you realise my good man we have five testicles between us! This chap just looked him up and down and said whys that pal, have you only got one!? Believed every word I did, every word... I left with Great Aunt Lizzie laughing like a drain...
Posted on: Wed, 19 Nov 2014 21:17:25 +0000
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