It saddens me that a few of my friends are going through something similar to what I went through just over a year ago. When relationships come to an end, it is always a difficult experience. On many occassions, loyalty and trust has been compromised and people are left extremely vulnerable. I know I went through a series of emotions, and quite a bit of hard work to come to realize that you cant make someone want what they no longer want. One half may have already been moving on emotionally, while the other wasnt prepared. One may have felt blindsided by the decision that things must end. During this vulnerable time, so many people deal with pain and disappointment in a variety of ways, and there is no right or wrong - you can only try to be supportive and comforting. You must not let yourself be completely defined by one person (typically an ex), because there is so much more to you than to be defined by any one person no matter their place in your life. Just give yourself time...let yourself heal...find that special woman within once again, and then and only then let yourself move forward. I know...trust...that one aspect that usually takes SOOOO much longer to regain after you opened your life and heart to someone and hoped they would not mishandle it. However, you cannot let another persons actions or opinion of you or the relationship you shared ever darken your heart or life. You have so much to offer to another person, and if you take the time, you might find a lot of surprises come your way. Just remember, you cannot waste your life waiting in the wind and hoping someone will want you. You have to love and embrace the goodness within you first, and then open your life to another when you are ready. I have learned through a lot of tears that no matter how you may have felt, it doesnt matter, as it will ONLY work when TWO people want it. If one does not, LET IT GO. Hanging on does nothing for anyone except set you up for further disappointment, and the bigger question you must ask yourself is this. If your heart was destroyed the first time around...if trust was compromised...if loyalty was questioned...can you ever trust this person again - romantically or even as a friend? Some bridges are best left broken down, and others may be worth mending and holding onto. Only you know. Oh, and finally...at such a vulnerable time in your life, if you are seeking therapy, please please please be sure you are at least strong enough to filter good information from not so good information. I have heard of too many stories over the last year, between my friend and mostly my Psch students about therapy gone bad. It is hard to be able to see when you are experiencing a good therapeutic relationship or not. If you are in therapy and you like your therapist because they are telling you what YOU WANT TO HEAR, you best consider a new one. Therapy is about much more than havnig a pal. A good therapist will challenge you and empower you. I have found my new position as an educator for future therapists much more rewarding than I ever would have found being one that serves only one individual. I feel I can make a larger difference in trying to educate those future therapists. If I have 60 students a semester, imagine the impact each one who ends up with 50 or more clients can make in the overall world of therapy and helping people? Slightly off topic, but hope that my friends - you know who you are - can heal and not rush into anything immediately following your breakup, but give yourself time to heal and most of all please be good to yourself. Believe it or not, there IS a bright light at the end of all of this. ((( hugs )))
Posted on: Fri, 14 Mar 2014 15:20:21 +0000
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