It seems that as we progress onward in the process of aging, our body starts to play cruel, unflattering, almost evil tricks on us. We start out having these sleek, proportional, well groomed bodies and somewhere, somehow, we wake up one morning and the metamorphosis has occurred and rarely is our outcome as beautiful as that of the butterfly. For men anyway, most of us seem to be plagued with the same affliction – we lose our butt and gain a gut. . . not really the look we were going for as we crossed over the bridge to middle age. How did this happen?? In no way do I feel like “Optimus Prime” from the movie “Transformers”. Kathryn and I try to go to the gym 3 times a week, I try to watch what I eat (well, I must admit, sometimes I’m watching the TV), I get a physical every year . . . so what gives?? No one told me about this part of the maturation process . . . for my piece of mind I had to figure out what was causing this continental drift. The answer would take some deep thought and some real soul searching which for me, presented a real problem. I’m really not that deep and my soul doesn’t have that many crevices to hide things. So after much research (yea, right) and pondering (at least as long as it took to type this) I think I may have figured out our problem. When we were young, a lot of us men had jobs that required us to be on our feet a lot during the day and sitting was something that was not a main function of our work routine. As we moved up the corporate ladder (or just got tired of standing) we took jobs that required us to sit in a chair for a large portion of our day. This, I believe, has caused our hineys, just like dough under the rolling pin, to be squished flat. As most of us can’t easily or readily change jobs we seem to be cursed with this predicament for the rest of our lives . . . or are we? ? ? If having our behinds mashed has caused our padding below the belt to relocate to our belly above the belt, why wouldn’t the reverse be true?? I even sleep on my back most of the time which only exasperates the situation. But what can we do that would spend as much or almost as much time as we do sitting to push in our protruding waistline? ? ? It’s simple . . . sleep on your stomach!!! They say we should get 8 hrs. of sleep a night so what better we way to work on pushing our front to the back!!! I know, I know. . . some of you say, “Troy, I hate to or can’t sleep on my back . . . but look, what would you rather have?? A stiff neck or a non-flat behind? ? Your wife will be so excited because your new, fuller, non-baggy pants look that it will probably cause her to give you the nickname “Arm Candy”!!! I plan to start tonight getting this process into motion and since I have not heard of anyone else going down this road of science, if it works, I could be in line for a Nobel Prize . . . or at the very least my own Infomercial. . . Oh, by the way, if for whatever reason I don’t get a good night’s sleep and I happen to run into on the street, don’t be offended if I just lean up against you. . . I’ll just be trying to make up for lost time. . . .
Posted on: Wed, 07 Aug 2013 02:40:34 +0000
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