It started out like any typical Saturday morning. We got up to do Yoga. We have been practicing Yoga for over 3 years now and it really has affected a dramatic change in our energy and wellness. Donna had discovered that there were early morning public access television shows that featured stretching and Yoga, and she started recording them. We would get up at a time convenient for us, and then have a variety of routines to choose from. This was important for me especially, as the greatest obstacle to my physical fitness was boredom from the same routine. This particular morning we decided on Wai Lana. Donna didnt really like Wai Lana as well as some of the others, but I enjoyed the challenge often offered so she acquiesced. We started off the routine and I immediately noticed that Donna was having a hard time following the poses, even ones she had done before. While it was odd, alarms did not go off because just the day prior we had a big meeting with Donnas doctors who had taken her off the drug Zolenza because it was creating dramatic side affects without actually working. She was getting fuzzy headed, weakness in her arms, and having episodes of vomiting. Little did we know that these were not symptoms of the drug, but of something more dire. Donnas comprehension of the poses was sufficiently confused, that I stopped my exercising and gently coached her through each pose. When she finished, I did a few more exercises on my own and called it done. We had a nice breakfast – I cooked some french toast and bacon that Donna really liked (I added vanilla to the batter), then finished the morning reading our newspapers on the Ipads. I had some work to do in the afternoon, so I was distracted by my computer for a couple of hours and didnt really notice what Donna was doing. She puttered around a bit in the kitchen and then sat down in her easy chair for a while. Lately, as a symptom of the drug we thought, Donna had been having frequent and fairly long naps in her chair. She had serious fatigue and I had transferred most of her workload to others and myself so that she could frequently rest. At about 3pm, she woke up and immediately got up. I noticed as she walked down the hall that she had a large wet spot on her pants – I asked what happened and she mumbled something I did not understand. I later learned she had lost control of bowels and had urinated on herself – she never regained control. I am assuming she just thought it was another accident caused by the drug. She never panicked. She was going to take a shower. I was sitting at my computer, aware that she had gotten into the shower. I wish I remember exactly what I was working on – but for the life of me I cannot. It was probably something related to promoting our upcoming Meetup or perhaps fixing a client issue. It bothers me that I cannot remember. It was probably knocked out of my mind because of the shock that followed. There was a huge crash from the bathroom. The sound of dead weight hitting tile. I jumped instantly screaming Donnas name. When I reached the bathroom, which is down a narrow hall way, I could see Donna half in the bathroom and half in the hall way. She must have tried to get out of the shower before she fell. She had a huge gash on her forehead that was bleeding profusely and her eyes, while wide open, had no form of consciousness in them. She was in a seizure. I quickly flattened her out, put a towel beneath her head and called 911. While waiting for EMS, I covered her with a robe, put on my clothes, fixed a carry bag with her pajamas, medicine, and toiletries. I got the next door neighbor to watch for the EMS and direct them to our home. And then I comforted Donna as she started coming out of the seizure. But she never came completely out. As consciousness returned I could tell she was having trouble concentrating and speaking. She was also a bit childlike in her demeanor and she did not seem at all concerned. I later learned that the first thing attacked by the cancer which spread to her brain, was the frontal lobe, which by luck or blessing, made her indifferent to fear. She was never scared again. When the EMS arrived, the first thing they did was help me get her sitting up in a chair. They checked all her vitals and everything was fine. But they also noticed that she was having problems with balance and with mental acuity. It was very suspicious of a stroke at the time, so it was decided to take her to the hospital. The EMS decided that we had to walk her down the narrow hallway very carefully. They would be behind her, while I would wrap my arms around her from the front and gently guide her forward. She was only being responsive to me so they thought I would be best in the guidance. So I got her up, put my arms around her, with her face near my chest and my voice near her ear. I gently gave her simple directions on what to do. And then something happened that both breaks my heart and makes me proud. To put in context, Donna and I had a very loving relationship over many years. We constantly hugged and kissed each other. Every night Donna with go to sleep by hugging me and kissing me tenderly three times on my back or my chest. I used to tease her about the three kisses – “why not 1, why not 5?” She just laughed and said I deserved three. Well, as I was leading her down that hallway, she having very limited comprehension and ability to balance or walk, covered by my arms and a blanket, kissed me three times on my chest. Very tenderly and then she looked up at me with childlike smile and I saw that she was putting herself in my care with complete love and trust. That was the start of the death of Donna.
Posted on: Tue, 21 Jan 2014 00:22:01 +0000
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