It was a Wednesday. November 5, 2014 inflicted a wound like none other, reaching inside of me and tearing out what was left of my beating heart. It was the day I shattered to a million pieces without a hope in the world to piece it back together. It was the day I lost my mother. I’m not sure how one describes the jumble of emotions, the racket of wailings or the enduring isolation that follows when a mother passes. The very fabric of life seems to buckle and cave in from the sheer burden of it all. Sense no longer works as a blanket of indifference that separates you from the raw emotions and delight of life. Breathing is an effort. Organs go on strike. And then, life lurches forward with a momentum so strong that it defies physics. Suddenly, I found myself lost and alone, suffocating in a world of white noise. It didn’t matter if I was in a crowd of people or surrounded by those I had left. I felt a visceral separation and an undercurrent of another seething emotion. I was angry. That day had taken my biggest supporter and my number-one fan from me, and I wanted to give up. Words fail to exhaustively articulate the painful parting of mother and daughter… or having to write your mother’s eulogy at age 48… or the knowledge that you’ll never hear her voice again. But knowing that my mother raised me to be a strong woman, I know that I MUST go on without her. I promised her I would take care of everyone and for her not to worry. I will say this to you; NEVER take anyone for granted. Never assume they will always be there. You never know when that may be your last time to tell them how you feel about them. Luckily, I never let a day go by without telling my mother how much I loved her and that she was the best friend Ive ever had. RIP my beautiful mother. You may be gone from this world, but you will never be gone from my heart. I love you with every beat in my heart and I always will.
Posted on: Sat, 08 Nov 2014 00:05:17 +0000
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