It was a couple years ago that I finally was released from mental instability. It was a long drawn out process which took me years to understand. I had no idea what was going on at the time but now that many years have passed since its inception as a child, I think I finally understand what it was that I went through. Although it wasn’t the classical near death. It was more mental death of certain aspects of myself. I am not exactly a spirit worker, but I do believe I was guided and pushed by wights in order to achieve some form of clarity and understanding that I did not have before. I went through a lot of chronic depression which almost resulted in a suicide and mental inanity. I was often plagued by wights of the night, often times in the summer and they looked very odd and strange in the visions they would implant into my head. Certainly unlike anything I had ever seen before. I saw things that were alien to us as humans, things that didn’t make sense. I saw beautiful places also, but yet I was plagued by this unending sadness. Only when I realized that these emotions were part of me did the process to recovery become even more closer. I felt better each time I tried to allow myself to feel these things. Part of myself was destroyed and killed, purified in a way that I became someone totally different. It wasn’t just a mental change, it was also a physical one. I was always the outcasted individual in any given group and I was always the one who people thought I was creepy and not to be trusted. Even to this day, some people, especially those who have ill intentions; still very much avoid me. I am a very nice and caring person, but I have a theory to all of this. I believe that what I went through was a spiritual change and enlightenment which allowed me to access things inside myself that I wasn’t able to do before. I was unaware of what was happening and fits with a situation where a person becomes someone more spiritual. I believe this depression, the almost mental insanity was caused by wights of some form so that I could eventually become who I am today. So that I could not only help others, but to understand where some people are coming from, to be there. Yet at the same time, to act as a person of experience. Not in the way that is better or more powerful than another, but because in order to be who I am, to practice what I do now, I had to get rid of certain aspects of myself; not only to understand things better, but to have a clarity of reality that I didn’t have before and being open minded to all possibilities. I know that many people would probably doubt this experience. Overall, it’s not something anyone really wants to go through. But I believe these things because it was so intense at the time and when I look back of just how much was ripped from me, I realize that it was all for the good of not just myself, but to see the world not only as it is but to have a better understanding of both things physical and spiritual and being able to help others along the way. I guess this is just simply an experience, a big experience which took up most of my childhood. Now I realize just how much that pain and suffering was needed to be the person I am today.
Posted on: Sat, 20 Jul 2013 15:24:19 +0000
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