It was just after 2 a.m. early Saturday morning when we received a call informing us about the passing of our beloved uncle Gowrisan. He had fought a difficult and painful battle with cancer. I think both my husband and I were having a hard time accepting the news, hesitating to book our flight to Kuala Lumpur because we just refused to believe his passing. We somehow managed to book our flights, packed some clothings for us and our children. We woke them up early, got ready and went straight to the airport without even mentioning why, only to break the news to them after they had a bite to eat before we boarded our flight. Tears flowed and we held hands and hugged each other. We reached hazy Kuala Lumpur, got into a taxi and arrived just in time to be there before the funeral rites began. There were many, many family members, friends, neighbours present there - a testament to our uncles popularity, friendship, and kindness. Conversations were spoken softly, muffled sobs; light footsteps, gentle hugs, hushed tears. It was as if someone had turned the volume down. We found aunty Uma and we clung to each other tryign but failing to stop our tears from falling. Im so sorry! I mumbled to my aunty, in my muffled voice. Im sorry. I said, over and over again. As I paid my last respect, memories came flooding back of moments spent with our uncle. My first time meeting aunty and uncle during my engagement with my husband; the visits to our house in Kota Kinabalu whenever uncle came for work meetings; our conversations - most of the time about philosophy and life; the big packages he and aunty bought and gave us full of Indian goodies Murukku and cookies; the jokes; his roaring laugh; his advice; his witty remarks, and more. The last time I met him was in February this year. I had written about some of the conversations we had and posted it on my Facebook: Sharing a meaningful conversation I had with a much beloved and respected older relative recently (he is on Stage 4 cancer): I was talking about general things, beating around the bush and circumventing discussions on cancer and dying. Finally, it was he who brought up the topic. He paused for a moment, and in his usual calm manner said in a lighthearted way, I am going to sound philosophical for a while. You know how it is, people like me whos going through this life and death thing, we get philosophical . He said this in a lighthearted way accompanied with a smile belying the fact that he is in much pain from the effects of cancer and cancer treatment. He looked at me and continued, All these (as he spread his arms with a sweeping gesture referring to the house, the contents). These, the car, the materials things these are just maya. Illusions. It is not that important. By all means acquire them and enjoy them if you like.. However, never make them your priority. He took a laboured breath and continued, What is most important in life is how you make your loved ones feel... That they are much loved, and very special and important. Create meaningful memories because when you are no longer here with them, it is those memories that they have of you that will stay with them and it will make them happy. To me, he is the epitome of that person. Dedicating his life to the happiness of his loved ones. Borrowing a little from Tagore: that there could be any gap in lifes succession of joys and sorrows was something of which we had opted to ignore. When death suddenly came, and in a moment tore a gaping rent in lifes seamless fabric, we are left bewildered. All around, the trees, the soil, the water, the sun, the moon, the stars, remained as immovably true as before, and yet the person who was as truly there, who, through a thousand points of contact with life, mind and heart, was so very much more true for us, has vanished in an instant like a dream. The terrible darkness disclosed to us through this rent will continue to lure us night and day as time goes by. The reality is that we will grieve forever. We will not ‘get over’ the loss of a loved one; we will learn to live with it. We will heal and we will rebuild ourselves around the loss that we have suffered. We will be whole again but we will never be the same. Nor should we be the same nor would we want to. Yet, amid this unbearable grief, flashes of joy sparkles in our mind on and off. The idea that life is not a fixture comes as tidings to help lighten our minds. To be reminded that we are not forever prisoners behind a wall of stony-hearted facts. That what we possessed we were made to let go - and it is distressing indeed - but in the same moment it can be viewed as a freedom gained. And with that realisation we feel peace. The all-pervading pressure of worldly existence is compensated by death, and thus it does not crush us. The terrible weight of eternal life does not have to be endured by all of us. This came over as a wonderful revelation. Uncle Gowrisan had planned and arranged his funeral, as expected from someone so thoughtful and conscientious like him. His two children bid their farewell so beautifully, serenading their father with beautiful classical Indian violin music straight from their heart in the warmth presence of their grieving mother. The clouds gathered, cooling the air, the music floating and surrounding and touching the hearts of everyone present. Like a prayer accompanying their father to his next stage of existence in perfect peace and well-being. I closed my eyes and felt a profound depth of calm, a boundless sea of consciousness without a ripple or a murmur. There were neither darkness nor light. There was only peace. Great men are remembered for their great achievements. To be as hard working, dedicated, humble, kind, generous, and loving as Uncle Gowrisan are what true great achievements are about. It is so apt that he chose this quote to bid us farewell: The heights by great men reached and kept were not attained by sudden flight, but they, while their companions slept, were toiling upward in the night ~ Henry Wadsworth Longfellow To the Gowrisans. Peace be with you. With much love from all of us.
Posted on: Tue, 01 Jul 2014 16:41:32 +0000
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