It was recently brought to our attention that a BWG member had received an unfavorable response from the employees of a Billings restaurant as said member was walking IN. It was mentioned that this was apparently the result of his movement through the door and said member stated that hed felt some resistance during the incident. A theory was presented to the member regarding the possible expiration of spells enchanting doorways across the Billings business landscape, and he agreed to allow us an investigation. Our results follow: Runic magic was introduced to the downtown area in the late-eighties by a group of Colorado-based wizards contracted specifically to address a growing crime rate. Prostitution and drug dealings, both increasingly prevalent, were migrating from the cold alleys and rooftops of downtown Billings into the public restrooms offered by various eateries. Denver, then, due to its similar small-city growth and climate, was approached by our city council members for advice. An agreement was reached and a robed foursome did descend on Billings shortly thereafter. Granite, at the wizards request, was farmed from the Beartooth Mountain range and from those slabs runes were made. Most of the rock was fashioned into door-hinge bolts but there were also designs introduced to accommodate more unique entrances. There were entryway bricks, framing nails, and even the security, wires crisscrossing between panes of glass in some business doors were made from this granite. Archaic inscriptions were then etched into the tough runes, spells were cast, and the runes were installed. The wizards left shortly after and the impact of their work was immediate - the effects profound and celebrated. Billings, until recently, benefited greatly from the resilient security that followed. But the spells are fading and the deeds of the buildings housing the runes have exchanged hands often. Reports of malfunctioning door fields are happening all over the downtown area and its putting a remarkable strain on the employees of businesses struggling to adjust. Light digging by the BWG staff pulled reports of servers being electrocuted, late-night janitors getting thrown violently to the grown, and, as were seeing here, customers facing not only the residual effects of malfunctioning, dated runes, but also the collective rudeness of the upset and confused employees who are watching it all happen. Since no specific restaurant was named in the incident outlined for us by member Ryan Brown, we think it only fair that the scrutiny be placed where it undoubtedly belongs, and thats squarely on the shoulders of this City and its past salaried handlers. Had they implemented proper, annual maintenance on these runes instead of simply walking away after patting each on other on the back, we wouldnt be in this predicament. (It should be mentioned here, also, that when we reached the Planning Department to request the rune blueprints, they advised that these rolls of, grossly outdated material were thrown out with the common trash during a 2008 top-to-bottom cleaning of City Hall.) In conclusion, the City of Billings is receiving a Hobbit rating of 2.5 and will inherit all fault in this matter. The only considerations made in their favor revolve around the fact that this process started three decades ago and is thus an inherited offense. Holding newer employees accountable for the actions of those long gone is hardly fair, but they still need to be aware that we here at the BWG are watching them. Closely. And if they dont reconvene and remedy this problem soon, we will drop the Hobbit hammer. This 2.5 is generous, City of Billings. Get your sh*t together.
Posted on: Wed, 07 Jan 2015 02:57:58 +0000
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