It would be fair to say that the last few weeks,months and probably years have been difficult for myself, my family and for those I love and care for and for those who love and care for me. The last short while has given me time to reflect and come to terms with myself which was a bigger job than I thought. I have learned that all you can do is your best and accept that you cant win every fight, even when you know your right. I have learned that sheer willpower alone cant defeat the wrongs of this world. I have learned that doing what you believe to be right for those in society who cannot defend themselves can be twisted by others into something bad. I have learned for myself the horrors of depression,low self esteem, panic,inexplicable fear and endless sleepless nights,and confronted the demon that drives you towards an easy way out , things that thousands of others face everyday. I have learned that I could stand up for everyone else but could barely raise a finger to defend myself and that there are those who will kick you when your down Tomorrow I must again confront the same event which finally broke this camels back, and represent someone who like myself and thousands of others discharged their duty within the law during our recent troubled past. Someone who like thousands of others feels that the bad guys won. Someone who turned to state they served and was in my opinion humiliated by the system they defended. Someone accused by others for political convience of living in the past. The truth is that for many myself included the past lives in us. I will go tomorrow and do my best, I can do nothing else except hope it is good enough. I cant say that I will ever be the same because I know that events have changed me forever,but like the people I come from I will go down fighting if I must go down at all. I would like to wish every one friend and foe alike a better New Year and as Dave Allen used to say May your God go with you Forgive me my failings because at the end of the day like everyone else I am only human.
Posted on: Thu, 01 Jan 2015 19:08:52 +0000
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