Its Judes birthday today ... my youngest son and the only part of our family thats missing. I wish I could hold him. I wish I couldve seen him wake up this morning and told him Happy first birthday ya lil booger. I wish that I didnt have a somber demeanor on his birthday. I wish he was here. … Seems like a bummer of a post on his birthday. :/ And Im gonna cry a lot today because of that. And thats ok (who wouldnt?). I don’t want to NOT cry. Because every tear reminds me that Jude was here. That he touched lives. And that he is still SUCH a part of our family. He’s our lil jacked-up guy! … I still can remember, SO vividly, hearing the doctor rattle off the things that were ‘wrong’ with our baby while we were still in the operating room, but it’s only the word ‘he’ that we heard. We didn’t know we were having a boy! And even though there was this long list of detailed complications, the ONLY thing that we cared about - the only thing that we heard - was ‘he’. We hadn’t wanted to find out what we were having, so we were just so happy to find out we were having a boy! … Yknow, it snowed the day Jude was born. And today its gonna be sunny. I dunno what that means (if anything), but it kinda leaves my heart content. Like God is telling me that Hes still in control. That his plan is still moving forward exactly how He is intending. That even though its been a year without my son, and the pain is sometimes unbearable, that He is sorry we are in pain … but the sun still shines. And so, we still can celebrate. We celebrate that Jude was born! That he was/is a part of our family! That he touched lives LITERALLY across the world! We celebrate that we were fortunate enough to have 6 days with our son. So that makes today special. It’s Jude’s birthday. Please celebrate his life with us.
Posted on: Thu, 16 Oct 2014 15:18:54 +0000
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