Its a cool, damp and cloudless day here in northwest Oklahoma City. The wind blows, often here and today its from the north, northeast and brings a chill. The foliage is green - the result of an unusually wet late summer. The range of extremes of the gray skies with the green hue of trees and grass give me pause, uncertain if it is the third week of autumn. Though born in the winter, I always felt a year older in the autumn. I used to think it was because I typically got advanced to the next grade at Whittier and Woodlawn, elementary schools and through the duration of junior and senior high school at Sapulpa. I was optimistic in the fall. With the new school year, different teachers, different courses, new and old friends, I was convinced there was opportunity to make changes if not literally redefine myself. One of those new relationships began more than 35 years ago. Though she was three months younger - scandalous I know - she was far more mature with keen insight into the minds of teenage boys and displayed the confidence that comes only with assured self-confidence. If men are indeed simple, its because many of us never get past the core values formed in puberty. Thats another post for another time. She was my first romance and for an awkward, sequestered, naiive, mixed-race, Southern Baptist, it was as blissful as it was innocent. And at a junior high football game, she met me beneath the bleachers and I gave her an awkward and hurried kiss full on the lips. To this day I can tell you how she wore her hair and the flavor of her lip gloss. I may never understand why that memory is so vivid after a 30 year career of destroying brain cells. This is no what if or I should have. After all, what should have happened, did happen, because that is what happened. Besides all I have to do is look at the number of successful co-dependent relationships Ive had to realize that I would have ruined our relationship as intimate partners just as I have with the others. She made the better decisions. No, I think of this now to consider if it is possible to have such prescience at such an early age - any age at all? Ever? Faith is the Pierless Bridge, supporting what we see unto the Scene we do not - Too slender for the eye. Emily Arlene Dickinson Be well and at peace.
Posted on: Wed, 16 Oct 2013 00:07:26 +0000
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