Its a little bit odd... This FB page was created only created 40 days ago. And the world was so different then. This page was started as a way of letting Dawns close friends know what was going on - but it was important for Dawn that when the page was first created that not be public... Because she didnt want people to know how serious her condition was... And she thought that she could beat it and would be able to go back and make all the apologies later for anyone that she may have slighted by not including them in the beginning. From the very first post Dawn thought that she could beat this... And why not shes beaten everything else before autoimmune diseases, not one but two kidney transplants (three if you count the removal of one) and lets not forget that she had beaten cancer before. So this time was no different for a woman who has fought for 20 years every day of her life to live life. And now its surreal... To scroll back to the beginning of the page. To those early days in intensive care unit. And what odder still is that Dawn was with us then... If you look at some of those early post she was commenting on them... She was liking some. And then the comments and likes stopped. Looking back at about the time that that happened its clear to understand that she was beginning that rapid decline toward the end. She knew it. But she still was fighting. I would ask her if she wanted me to read some of the posts to her and her response was usually no Ill do it later. It was only a few weeks ago now that she finally lost her fight. And since that day we have had to move on - make decisions without her. Laugh without her. Dance without her. Anyway, this is all my very weird way of saying thank you. Thank every single one of you for your support and your concern and your comments in your posts. It meant the world to Dawn and it means the world to me And thank you to everyone who could come out last night and celebrate her life with us. I still firmly believe that she wanted to have a party so leave because she knew I would hate every second of social interaction. She would try constantly to pull me out of my shell. I guess she figured that if I had a testamentary obligation to be there I would have to. But what struck me the most was that in every occasion where Dawn had forced me out... Was that no matter how uncomfortable I had gotten...I could look over and see her with me. Last night I looked and she wasnt there. She would have loved the party...I know, because she essentially planned it! But no matter what I was struck by the emptiness of her absence. I hope that this page lives on somehow. With people posting memories of Dawn. Maybe pictures that youll find 1 year from now tucked in boxes that you forgot you had. But I think for me this is one of my last posts. Believe me, I am going to be posting stuff about Dawn on my regular Facebook page for as long as Facebook exist... And its still cool to use it... But my first posts to this page was specifically about the journey that Dawn and I were taking. That journey is over now... And I have to go on alone. If I am to post anymore to this page... It will be to write about day 26 - The day that we took Dawn to the hospice. Its the only day that didnt get a very good posting... But there is also some very deeply personal stuff that day between her and I that Im not sure Ill ever share. But if I do this is definitely the place thatll do it. When Dawn died I had to figure out a way to tell my children... I didnt know how I didnt know what to say. So I wondered around my house for a bit and I looked inside Dawns jewelry box hoping to maybe find a piece of jewelry or personal item that I could use to help the kids connect with the loss. Inside I found some cards that she had left me... Just small inspirational statements. The parting wisdom of Dawn-Nicole Feaster to me was this: 1. The best thing to hold onto in life is each other. 2. Always know in your heart that you are far bigger than anything that can happen to you. 3. As you battle for strength, courage and healing, remember: there are people all around you cheering you on and waiting to lend a hand. 4. There is always, always, always away. I take that advice with me every day. I still cry every day and I imagine I will for a long time... But I know that she would want me to live and to live my life to its maximum potential. So CeeCee, Im going to try. I love you.
Posted on: Mon, 29 Sep 2014 00:42:18 +0000