Its been 6 years since I have been in a relationship. Im Laying down on my mattress bed with no sheets, both my hands over my head & under, supporting my head, I start to daydream & when I do, I start to smile because of time & the joy that comes from every experience that I encountered with Guys who mystically, to this day, echo in my mind & heart . The Discreet Rock & Roller with big dreams, The Football Jock who was discreet, & The lost soldier that left to the Army to find himself after his mother passed away. I think, Will I ever see them again? probably not, because at that time, they were just fantasies that somehow, mystically? became reality Or, no longer play a part in my life. But I would be a hypocrite to say that they do not play a role in my life because without thinking of them, that blush, giggly happiness when you like someone is not found, & you need belief in order to believe in Love. I smile because those Guys were a form of desire & I daydream because in my head, I can imagine what could have happened if I told them how I really felt, but I was too afraid that in opening up, it could have potentially harm what we had going on, which was friendship but with a more deeper connection. I guess this is a case of letting the opportunity pass one up, because during the moment when you can see yourself, potentially being with this person, it is not always a vision but an illusion, one can only daydream, but it will always be a dream & nothing more but a dream. The Mystical Part is all on you, the dreamer, & how much dedication & will power you are willing to put into making this dream a reality. I have learned from this, to always speak up & tell people how I really feel at that moment, tell them why they make me happy, who knows? Perhaps in the oddness that comes from doing something courageously & speaking up, I could be speaking up for both of us. As for those guys who I daydream so much about, maybe one day, Ill tell them how they made me feel.
Posted on: Sun, 21 Sep 2014 01:36:18 +0000
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