Its been a highly emotional day, many tears shed today. I watch Mitchell in frustration feeling like his life currently revolves around his brother because we cannot leave him for the risk of seisures. Its a harsh but normal reality for us but we deal with it. Then when Mitchell desperately needed something to be lifted down from the high rafters of the garage, when we ask Lindsay to help because he is so tall he cannot, proclaiming Mum I just have no strength and no energy anymore I cannot help. Mitchell desperate tried and tried again for a team effort between Lindsay and I and him to lift it down. We finally succeeded. I see Lindsay becoming weaker and weaker, he seems to be losing more weight and in more and more pain every day, continually exhausted and then he will surprise us and come bouncing back for a few hours with some energy only to come crashing down later in the day. His response these days is often I just dont have the energy or I am exhausted. He is still doing surprisingly well and school is on the cards for this week, his mind is willing and we will see how the body will cope. Its also hard when you talk about death with a teenager. I tell Lindsays younger brother Mitchell we are tough with tears welling in my eyes and I tell him you can still be tough and cry. I remind him this will make us even tougher. He doesnt want to talk about death and tells me it helps him when he doesnt think about it much but I remind him that death does happen and that if we do talk about it it helps us to be prepared as much as we dont want to think about it, we will all die sometime. We never know how much time we have with Lindsay, we hope its a long time yet but we live in uncertainty. We just have to treasure every day and I love the hugs and kisses on the head that big boy gives me throughout the day, what a treasure!
Posted on: Sun, 25 Jan 2015 03:43:39 +0000
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