Its been a really long time since I updated here. I think that part of that is because I have been busy. Part of it is because our lives are starting to smooth out again after so much drama in such a short time. I dont quite feel the need to pour myself out here as often, I guess. The day-to-day and mundane just doesnt seem worthy of filling up your news feeds with, I suppose. But I have been asked by a few people for an update on how things are going for us, so I thought Id take the time tonight to do that. As my last post stated, I was starting college on August 18. I just finished out my first semester with a 4.0 GPA! I took Writing & Inquiry, Sociology, Art Appreciation and Spanish. Really happy with my grades - that took a lot of work and dedication because it was really tough to balance the household, the kids, and school sometimes. And some of the classes were particularly difficult. But Im glad that I took them, and I learned a lot. I have decided that when I transfer to the 4-year college (Im a community college transfer student), I plan to major Social Work and minor in Spanish. The college that Im planning to transfer to has a Social Work Spanish immersion program in Costa Rica that I really do wish that I could do, but I dont see that happening with two kids and a husband. Its nice to dream, though! One of the major highlights of the semester came when my Writing instructor asked me for a copy of my final paper to keep, because it was so good. Then, on the last day of classes, I stopped on the way out to thank him and wish him well on his retirement (we were his last class), and he told me that he thought that I was a really good writer who should stick with it, and that he could help me with publisher information and so forth. I dont think that my feet touched the ground on my entire trip out of the building and to my car! So exciting. I wasnt planning to take any more writing classes because they arent necessary to my major, but after that conversation I changed my mind. This semester I will be taking the next level up writing course. All in all, it feels good to be in school. Im enjoying the experience and hopefully setting a good example for my kids, and for others like me who didnt think that they had what it took to make life better or to go back to school. Things are going well for all of our family, in general. The boys are doing well in school, though there are still some behavioral/emotional issues that we are working on. But they are both reading far above their grade level and showing huge strides in maturity. So proud of them! Jakes job is going well. Hes been there for over a year now and is enjoying it. Hes still playing with the church worship team most Sundays and really loves doing that, as well. Life is looking up, and things are much better than they were this time last year. Oddly enough, though, this Christmas was much harder on us, me particularly, than last Christmas was. I never would have imagined that the first Christmas after Avalyn died would have been easier than the second one, but I guess maybe we were kind of numb and still buoyed up by the frequent support and prayers and shoulders of others. Now, most have moved on, which is as it should be, I suppose. Others have their own rows to hoe, so to speak, and ours is not going to be at the forefront of their minds forever. It shouldnt be. But still, this going forward means that eventually we are somewhat alone with our pain. This Christmas I was keenly feeling that. I was remembering that my baby girl should have been 18 months old, if she had been born healthy when she was due. We would have been struggling to keep her out of the tree and hanging the breakable ornaments at the top. Her brothers would have taught her all about Santa, and she would have had a frilly Christmas dress and pajamas with ruffles on the bum. I was snippy and impatient at times, and overreacted to a few things over the holiday season because it felt like I couldnt find my footing. We got through it, and still moving forward as is inevitable. I think that as long as Im not stagnating, Im ok. Im holding on to God with both hands, even when Im yelling at Him and demanding answers and crying my eyes out. Hes a big God, He can take it. And so will I. So will we.
Posted on: Mon, 29 Dec 2014 04:08:43 +0000
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