Its been almost 23 months to the date that I suffered the worst injury Ive encountered, one of the more devastating Ive seen in tricking. I still havent released the video.. The graphic nature of it leaves me with fear of retribution on our sport by insurance and facility not working with us. Its amazing to me how much could change so fast. I had no idea what was waiting on the other side of that TDR.. The almost complete deconstruction of the posterior lateral section of my knee, removing my hamstring from its place as a consolation to the dislocation.. My life was engulfed in fear and my metal was tested. My former self began to burn in that fire.. Burn to ash over the last 2 years. Like a forest though, the fire was necessary to shed the dead husk of my former self and allow lessons learned to root. The pain I experienced hasnt stopped since that Friday in February. I can still remember the pain after surgery.. I felt like I was in a haze, days blurred and nights were excruciating. The intensity of the reconstruction was unlike anything I knew to be possible. At times I could vaguely remember someone or something touching my hand or forehead through the fog and dulled noises. Losing hours to staring at the ceiling.. The soft beat of reggae playing as I went in and out of consciousness for days, maybe weeks.. I cant remember exactly how long until I woke from the haze of oxicotin, hydrocondone and oxicodone. It was almost my birthday at this point, somewhere around 6 weeks later. What woke me was the withdrawals from pain killers, shaking and sweating, my joints aching like a fever. At one point I liked in the mirror and saw a strung out face looking back, darkness under my eyes and dullness in my eyes.. Id never felt so damaged and weak. Afraid, insecure.. No one prepares you for this going into it but thats what we all have to deal with when catastrophic injury comes knocking. This pain has been so enlightening. Its become a symbol of what I can handle. What WE can handle as humans, how much we can take and keep coming. To be shown this, Im thankful. So incredibly thankful for the opportunity to have been given this task. I know I can handle anything now.. There are some of us who are injured right now, recently even. Ive spoken to some of you. Ive seen a few ACL reconstructions in the last month. Im on the other side and you will be too. You will learn what I did and be grateful as I am.. In time. The pain you feel, physically and emotionally, is immense.. I know. Youre scared, I was. I still am sometimes. You have to accept that this damage is who you are now, you are changed and better for it. The emotions will pass though, physically and mentally you will heal and you will train again. I believe in you and in turn, I will not let you down. When you feel like giving up, talk to me. Dont let the world come crashing down, you can keep holding it. I will keep pushing towards the goal, with you. Remember, every storm dies and humans are notorious for stopping 3 feet from gold. When the pressure is so heavy and youre at your darkest, take it one breath at a time. It will get better, things will changed. You only need to believe. Paulo Coehlo writes There is only one thing that makes a dream impossible to achieve: the fear of failure This is you, standing in front of your recovery as I did once. You can be whole again, if you believe you can be. I stayed in tricking.. not for me, but for you.
Posted on: Wed, 21 Jan 2015 06:25:43 +0000
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