Its bittersweet to know that I am far from alone in the feeling that a piece of my heart has died. I am thankful for all the positive stories my friends are sharing about their encounters with Robin Williams and how he impacted so many lives. It was an ongoing joke with close friends that I thought Robin Williams was my biological father. I always hoped one day Id meet him and tell him that and maybe he would laugh. Or maybe he would just be totally creeped out. I was pretty young when my dad (who paid for my mom to get artificially inseminated, because he couldnt have children) walked out. And until that point, I was a daddys girl. He was my best friend and thought I was the best. And then one day, he was just gone. I remember watching Mrs. Doubtfire over and over, partially because it made me laugh, but also because I thought that my dad was surely going to make some sort of grand gesture to come back and be a big part of my life. He loved me, and I just knew he wouldnt let me down. That was my first experience with a man letting me down and might be a big part of the reason I dont really give anyone else the chance to. However, I didnt spend my childhood in constant sadness. I think most people would say I was a pretty happy kid and a big reason for that was comedy. Robin Williams was probably the most dominant male presence in my childhood and the roles I watched him in not only made me laugh, but they made me feel like there was hope. And that life goes on. And that its going to be okay. Ive had friends on more than one occasion refer to me as their Patch Adams and it lifts my soul to be compared, even if by a single individual, to a man that healed some of my own pain. Theres a reason people say laughter is the best medicine and it is a great gift to be able to make someone laugh. And Robin Williams was by far one of the most gifted with this ability. Unfortunately, the ability to move people on an emotional level stems from being able to feel more deeply, and emotions arent exactly pick and choose. Its constant work trying to be happy when you are so aware of the world and all its suffering. When youre highly sensitive, its easy to feel overwhelmed by everything and fighting not to abuse any outside substances to numb that feeling means you are left there, just...feeling it. Depression isnt necessarily about feeling worthless. Sometimes its about feeling everything and it hurts and you just want nothing more than to make that feeling go away. And you dont know how. Thats hard. Especially when the world looks to you as the person to make them feel better. You feel a responsibility to others to just not be sad. But everyone knows its not that easy. I hope the silver lining of this tragedy is that it helps people to understand the importance of reaching out when they feel depressed. Being vulnerable is hard enough when its not regarding sadness. Just remember that you impact more people than you even realize and even if you feel sad or alone or like nobody cares, someone cares. R.I.P. Robin Williams. I am sorry you were suffering and glad that you dont have to anymore. Thank you for being a huge inspiration in my life and in the lives of so many people I love.
Posted on: Tue, 12 Aug 2014 07:59:29 +0000
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