Its depressing to me to know I spend 40 hours a week sitting at a cubicle answering phone calls to make a paycheck that I dont even get to see because it goes right to bills that stretch me so thin I can hardly cover my ends each month. Its depressing to me that my lifestyle is paycheck to paycheck and instead of being able to take my daughter out to experience life to the fullest ability given to us on this Earth I have to drop her off at a babysitters house and hope that she enjoys the sunshine with them instead. Its depressing to me that even with hours and hours of overtime and the prospect of a second job I dont feel any more fulfilled, if anything Im more stressed out...money should not be the center of our lives or what drives us...but in reality it is because its what makes the ability to be the provider realistic or not in a case where you have no choice. I just hate the fact that we have to spend so much time apart to be able to survive together. Yes, I know people have it worse. Way worse. No job, no home, no support etc. Im just in a funk right now and I wish that I didnt have to physically strain my body and spirit every day having to secretly worry about bills or debts or stupid irrelevant things like that...I just want to be able to spend my days seeing the world, traveling to new unfamiliar places, learning about other people and culture and lifestyles and beliefs and bring my babygirl with me. I so desperately ache for that ability but the reality is I have to sit at this cubicle and stare at this screen and talk to these people about their cable boxes because I need to be able to put a plate of food in front of my daughter each night. I dont know why Im rambling about this but I just wish this werent the way life were and I wish I didnt feel so stuck all the damn time. I try my best to be a positive person but its just so overwhelming.
Posted on: Tue, 29 Jul 2014 22:25:03 +0000
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