Its hard to appreciate meds when you have to endure the side effects. My doctor, whom I love, upped my dosage of Seroquel to help me sleep. Its 3:15 in the morning and I cant sleep because I have cotton mouth so bad, it feels like Im choking. This is miserable, but I promised my doctor I would follow his orders. At least Im not annoying people with my racing thoughts and pressured speech. It may be good for others, but it kills my spirit. I am frustrated and I feel hopeless, when two days ago I felt completely hopeful, not just for myself, but for all human kind. I was so happy and I touched a lot of peoples lives in a positive way. Its tough having a disease or disorder that feeling joy and elation is considered symptomatic. Maybe, instead of medicating and numbing all of the manic people, we should medicate all the normal people so they can keep up. The shittiest part of the whole deal is my inability to experience God while on medications. I felt his love so deeply and personally only two days ago, before upping my Seroquel, and now it feels like He has abandoned me again. Thanks God. Were back to the state where I have to hold on to You with a vague intellectual apprehension, rather than loving You with all of my heart, soul, mind, and strength, which I am incapable of in this medicine induced stupor. Thank you psychiatric medications for the weight gain, the pain and numbness in my feet, the hopelessness, the helplessness, and the inability to think clearly. This post would have taken me 5 minutes just two days ago. At least Im being a good boy and taking my pills. I am tired of this living hell.
Posted on: Fri, 28 Nov 2014 10:41:44 +0000