Its just still so hard to believe. The only reason I was somewhat functional before was because denial became my best friend. Yes, I knew Gage wasnt coming back but I chose to make myself believe he was just out somewhere. It was the only way to cope with the pain half the time and the other half was Eric Gorden and Briahnna Gorden. Now that eric is gone, its even harder. I find myself doing the same with Eric as I did with Gage in a desperate attempt to keep my sanity but its not working as well as I hoped. I get irritated and/or really upset when Im forced to face reality because the pain is too hard to bare. Everyone has opinions on wat is best for me or that in time it will get better, but I guarantee none of the ppl that can say that have lost a child and if they have, they obviously didnt have a tight bond or deep love and relationship with theirs as I did/do with mine. For if they did then theyd kno that no amount of time will heal this. You only learn how to become actress of the century for acting skills as far as makin ppl believe u r ok or gettin on with your life, etc. I get so tired of ppl comparing this as the same as losing a fam member or friend. Ive lost all of the above and ones I was severely attached to and none even come close to losing one child, much less 2 in 10 months. And for the ppl that talk shit (u kno who u r), the old me would wish u could feel way its like, but this me wouldnt wish this on the worst of the worst including u shit talkers thst are only on my page to keep your gossip going. Just remember, things have a funny way of coming back around. I pray u never find out wat this is like,but remember wat I said if u ever do.
Posted on: Wed, 31 Dec 2014 01:08:44 +0000
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