Its not about finding God, its about finding myself. I know of Him, but do I let Him know me. My barriers lie in my perspective of myself. All the time we ask ourselves, Am I good enough? Do I have what it takes? Am I adequate? Who could love me? Through my experiences, my addiction, my triumphs and failures, my childhood and my relationships, I have taken small parts of these and formed a perception of who I am and for so long Ive believed that it wasnt good. Ive been the fat girl, the obnoxious one, the addict, the dyke, the needy one... these labels Ive heard and taken and formed a wall, an exterior of hardness around my heart to not let anyone close because youll hurt me and Ill hurt you. But heres the deal, Im the one who holds on to these identities because I thought they were safe, but theyre causing more pain than good. I have people in my life today that believe in me. Truly believe in me and love me and care. And thats weird. But its ok. Because God is doing something bigger. If He is good and He is love, and what He creates is good, then I am good enough. I do have what it takes and I am adequate. I can love and be loved. I can grow and change and have a different perspective on myself and life. So thank you to the people who are loving me in spite of myself, thank you for being on this voyage with me. I know at times the waters are rough, but I appreciate all of you.
Posted on: Sun, 11 May 2014 04:45:37 +0000
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