Its not easy having family conversations. After the good old catch up of how you been , hows life treating you , and what are you up to ... After that , you know all forces will be unleashed and politics are gonna fly out jokingly , passive aggressively , aggressively aggressively , and in some new form that family always finds a way of creating (jajaja) ... It took a lifetime for me to really learn this having grown up with very limited time with family ... Its not our role , however deeply we desire to change their politics or minds , however ... we can do three things : (1) seek to understand their politic and earn the life stories that shaped them... Its incredible what you earn when you ask for stories and say things like I would love to listen and learn ... Please share with me ... Its important to me to learn about our family journeys , yours is as important as __(insert family leaders here)__ ... The deeper the stories get for some reason the more painful they become... In those moments of pain things like thank you for sharing this with me , struggles are a part of life so I would love to learn about the lessons that came from this moment ... Or say nothing just be in that moment rooted in listening and hold their hand or shoulder or hug them or just stay there in attention and patient for them to continue ... Often times its been years since they have shared & revisited these moments ... breathe & learn ... (2) in group settings ... conversations must be facilitated in order to heal the struggles and traumas that family is carrying from a lack of cultural & personal seeking of emotional & mental health support ... Prohibit as much as possible combative reactionary engagement amongst family triggered by shame / pain ... Everyone must have their truth honored by being spoken & being listened to ... This is not easy , all kinds of energies are unleashed ... Check in to you facilitator spirit ... We dont come together too often or we dont share stories like these too often , I would love for us to be able to share , respect one another , and learn about each other & our family together. Affirm the love , learning , and healing that is blossoming in these shared moments... Remind everyone that as a family we are able to love and respect one another enough to share and listen to each other ... After each major moment is shared ... Thank each person for sharing ... Acknowledge the major lessons that came up and welcome others to name those lessons ... Check in with the space to give direction to continuing or taking a break or moving on to something away from story sharing ... Important note for males , often times in our families , its patriarchy / machismo that has caused the most damage , as a male facilitator be mindful of this and give act accordingly ... Trait your instincts to keep a healthy and balanced dialogue flow in ways that every voice is respected (3) either one on one or in groups ... youve (l)earned stories that you yourself need to process ... Make time to thank each person for sharing and offer kind words from your spirit... Then go on and make time to process. Revisit your memories and consciousness to allow these stories to inform how youve felt and acted ... How do these stories evolve your feelings and actions from your childhood to today and moving forward ? What further questions and conversations do you feel are needed ? With who? What questions will help you facilitate the conversation needed ? Move forward accordingly ... Its not easy to have these types of family conversations ... There is often reactionary fear , anger , sadness , and tension ... Beyond that energy ... Opening those conversations with love + trust + genuine ethos of understanding ... Will have you (l)earning stories that evolve your entire understanding of family and in turn yourself ... We may not be able to make our families shift their politic and ways of being ... But we can earn the stories that help us understand ... Everything changes with understand ... Do your best to process and act from this new understanding with empathy ... Forgive ... Heal ... Love ... After all this , the more you earn , the deeper you understand , you will be able to make better decision of how to move forward in a way that honors the type of person and life you wish ... Family is made of imperfect humans ... Some you will decide to spend little-to-no-time with and others share every moment possible with ... The way to ensure in mind body & spirit that this decision will make you and your future generations feel at peace is through understanding. Looking forward to continuing to learn together how to have the healthiest and most loving family relationships ... Sending you love , patience , and courage to support your family journeys Fam...
Posted on: Fri, 02 Jan 2015 19:31:11 +0000
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