Its the first time I ever refused to take your call. For much of my recent memory, I have jumped at the sight of your name blinking from my phone, felt that frisson of anticipation and fear -- what oh, what am I going to say that wont make him think Im an absolute fool? All through your coy approaches, you have kept me at the end of your noose, leaping when you shook the rope, jumping when you so much as looked my way, startled that you even remember I exist. But not today. Today I have seen much that tires me. Pain and grief and unspent love, and loneliness and fright. And no, not even the sight of you could make me smile, not even the sound of your voice could assuage me. I have been to the war zone, I have breathed the poisonous air of relentless sorrow. And you and your moves calculated to keep me wanting, anticipating, but never satisfied, and yes, your fear of commitment, they all suddenly seem petty and juvenile. Here and now, I am cradling tragedy to my chest, holding it close keeping it from drowning me. I am cradling tragedy in the waves of an ocean of emotion, and you, you are nothing in it.
Posted on: Mon, 21 Oct 2013 10:35:53 +0000